


Handcuffs And Bright eyes

by Nicheformoftrash13



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Awkwardness, Eren Has Anger Issues, Eren doesn't know he's gay, Erens twenty two, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Sasha Armin and Connie run a fusion restaurant, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Slow Dancing, also i should put in Connie is a brainstorming stoner, alternative music, but he's useless when it comes to female things, eren is trying to be a good care giver, everybody is consenting adults, genderbent annie, levi is a cop, levi is secretly a romantic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2020-12-23 18:23:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21085796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicheformoftrash13/pseuds/Nicheformoftrash13
Summary: "You have the right to remain silent, everything you say, can, and will be held against you in a court of law"Eren Jaeger has been on the mend for a little more than half a year from his mother's lost battle with cancer, the changes in his life has been drastic, from taking in his teen aged sister to having to sell his childhood home, so when he was given the opportunity to have a night to himself at a house party... lets just say things don't go exactly as planned.





	1. Chapter 1

Eren changed. He changed a lot. 

Its funny how he goes from tacking offensive and funny t-shirts to the unfamiliar apartment walls and pretending they take the place of Photo and those little decorations you get from Hobby Lobby in the clearance aisle on a payday. The walls were beige in the evening and shone bland when the sun screamed through the windows in the mornings. He remembers hating this, the domestic life. Falling into place like his parents and their parents and how everybody else fucking fell. Least to say, life was so different now. He had seen a lot in his tender years all adding up twenty-two, from taking in his teenaged sister to selling his childhood home to witnessing his mother be lowered in the crumbling soil. sometimes it all just sounds like the epitome of the self-help books with all the dirty blonde psychotherapists posing in front of some dock on a lake or frolicking through some wheat field. He should know, the number of paperbacks lining his bookshelf that had been bare just fourteen months before. But who was counting?

People said there were five stages of grief. he called bullshit, between the days where you can't eat, you can't sleep, you don't shower, you just exist. maybe the days where you untangle your suffering body from the addictive wraps of sheets you've molded to, and find your way making breakfast and seeing the glint of hope in those obsidian eyes staring back into empty ones, filling them with something. he had been listening, just as Hanji said, about the necessities of hanging polished memories up. the hammer gripped in his right hand, around the silicone handle. his eyes wandered over the gloss of the picture sandwiched in between the case showing one of the most memorable times of his life. he had been eight, with a ridiculous and cheesy showing smile positioned by the talented, profound Carla jaeger. her show of the moment had been adorned by a closed-mouthed smile indented by laughter lines and the reasons for all of that had been in a pink bundle wrapped with three different plush blankets in the gentle hold of her arm. the picture had been taken outside the facility they had adopted Mikasa from. papers were signed and wrists were flicking an attempt to tighten a chestnut brown ponytail with the habit of being unruly. Eren bit the inside of his cheek and half-smiled.

"RIng RIng RIng" He scrambled and wriggled his fingers into his back pocket not bothering to check the caller id.

"yellow" "Oh! Eren, it's nice to hear your voice, it's been a while." Eren bit his lip and let his eyes scan the room. Armin on the other line was a pretty decent change from the insurance people that never seemed to leave him be of late, he crossed his arms and tilted his head.

"same here"

"yeah, I just got back from work"

"Was it a busy night serving up some of that molten Pad Tai?" He heard a heavy breath "Actually no, except for this one guy, too high to get his act together and decided to give everybody half off midnight plates." "So Connie?" "Bingo" For the last two and a half years Connie, Sasha, and Armin had been running a fusion restaurant serving all kinds of foods from any Asian country you could think of. The short cut of that explanation is three white American kids completely different dumping Asian food in A shit ton of grease and selling it. Believe it or not, Connie was the financial brain, Sasha was good with customer service and Armin was the culinary genius. Who knew a nutty stoner could be so good with law and numbers?

"Honestly has he ever been sober in the last eight years?" Eren asked knowing how the answer would go anyways.

"He sobers up when he and Sasha go out." Armin paused "But any other time? no." They stopped and came to a couple of seconds of silence. But then Eren started hearing a loud whirring sound in the back that didn't make much sense. "Is that a huge fan I hear in the back?"

"No I don't know what your hearing."

Armin snapped defending against something that didn't make any sort of sense to defend.

"Well if its nothing, then why sound so defensive?"

"I'm not why would you think that?"

Eren pinched his nose and sighed and thought of something better to change the subject with. "Well, what's going on in the circle lately?"

"Should I start from my parents bought a water bed?"

Armin cited from the other line. "My fucking god, I forgot those even existed."

"Yeah, well they still do and now my parents are giving away their old one."

"I'm not sleeping on the mattress that's ten years old and probably collected like gallons of gross little particles of skin oil and sweat." The pictures of that one lady from that youtube video that hadn't washed her bedding in a hundred years came flooding back to the front of his mind, since that day he made sure he washed his bedding at least once a week.

"That's impossible and gross."

"No it isn't, watch that one British cleaning show I told you about."

"Ew, I told I don't like watching those."

"Well besides if that doesn't convince you" Eren smirked, "I personally don't want to think about the fact that your parents have had ten years' worth of sex on that thing." Eren pulled the screeching sound from his ear chuckling, he knew exactly what got under Armin's skin and was never afraid to use it.

"I swear to god Eren I will hang up."

"No you won't."

"Your so gross sometimes."

It came out exasperated and tired "Yeah but you love it." He smiled. Catching the sun pouring its way through the apartment He thought about the way the November breeze tousled its way through the orange leaves, how he wanted it to feel on his skin.

"Well what's going on in Eren world?"

Armin jarred him out of that short existence.

"It's cool" he put the hammer down, resonating a clinking sound from the head rudely first against the fake wood of the living room drawers.

"I'm just doing a little decorating" his tongue explored his cheek in thought.

"how are you and Mikasa getting through?"

armin asked delicately. "pretty good actually" for a second, he looked around what he had been doing and felt that demand for self-doubt and observation he hated. Maybe things weren't as solid as he thought. "that's always good to hear" Armin's voice softened.

"Do you happen to have plans tonight?"

He should have known, its amazing the suspicion and walls that can come up so quickly in a sentence. as Eren furrowed his brows and flicked his pupils towards the end of his phone and sliver of his nose in his direct peripheral. "Why?" He crossed his arms, again, sighing.

"Okay, hear me out. Don't cut me off,"

Eren heard the breath Armin had taken in before the blow of the final amount of confession. preparing for an argument before he had ever gotten those words out. "Ymirs hosting a small party and-"

And, of course, he had cut him off. "You thought it would be good if I 'got' out?" He huffed and clicked his tongue "is that it?" the insatiable black glob of confrontation and desire had gone off somewhere in the pit of his stomach, it had been a few weeks. sure, he had been sort of a hermit for a mixture of months but it certainly wasn't on the complete platform of purpose.

"what did I tell you about cutting me off?"

he sounded frustrated but Eren knew the way all his friends kept trying to drag him out the apartment door. this had been a thing for weeks. "We've gone over this already" he completely block out the thought of the enjoyment of a free night out and amongst people he kind of knew, he knew Ymir could be a bitch when it came to Eren, having been slightly jealous and competitive as far as the closeness between Krista's and Erens relationship (which was the epitome of platonic) she had the habit of arguing and not shutting up, that not being the only thing holding him back, most importantly, Mikasa's problems. He had to use the best offense he had, "besides remember what happened last time you encouraged us to 'get out'?"

"really Eren?" Armin replied exasperated "do we have to go over this again? you still can't let it go?"

"No"

Eren clicked and shrugged in an aggressive way.

"how was I supposed to know what the goat would do?"

"you listened to connie about a free petting zoo"

"the moments passed, let it go"

"try telling that to Mikasa, she still can't hear a goat without throwing a dirty look at me"

which all was completely true. poor Mikasa. There was a snapping somewhere behind his sternum pulling him to some kind of conclusion.

"look," he geared his serious voice "we all just want you to be happy and you know, talk to some of us more than just over the phone and through quick excerpts in supermarkets."

there was another black glob working around his brain in temptation and slight guilt having known he wasn't keeping up the best communications with the people he did truly care about. but Mikasa was his top priority.

"even I wanted to spend a night with the judgmental raisin, I can't leave Mikasa alone like that"

and to correct the part about a 'small' party, he knew Ymirs party's and they weren't ever small.

"you don't have to be a dick about it, Eren"

"yeah I know, but she's having...issues."

"Mikasa?"

"yeah"

"she's thirteen. we were both staying home alone at that age, sometimes even over weekends." There was a short pause before he added: "And honest Eren, she's a tough cookie, remember when she nearly broke Sasha's arm in that arm-wrestling match?"

He noticed the parts Armin truly meant and the other half exaggerated and joked. Either way, Armin was one persuasive man. Armin had made a point half-decent, that guilty little monster full of temptation gnawed at his thoughts again.

"she's been practically glued to me."

he said half of that situation, because, even that was an understatement. "I'd be a complete asshole if I just decided to leave her alone for the night, besides, our appointment with Hanji is today" he checked the rope woven watch around his wrist

"and little less than two hours away to add to it."

"healthy distance away is something I'm sure Hanji has even been through with you guys."

the tone shifted sideways

" and what if I told you she doesn't have to be alone perse. someone will be missing from the equation, that someone being Krista." Armin's voice had become a convincing one, and Eren had started feeling a little like deception crept in and the weakness that he started considering.

"Huh?"

"Yeah." Armin started "anyways, she's not thrilled about Ymir's party excursions, and you know how much she adores Mikasa."

this had all been true. and maybe he did deserve a night to be a full adult, that didn't stop the pangs of the guilt of leaving Mikasa on a short note. she had been arm to arm with Eren constantly, to the store, to the library (that doesn't count considering he pushed her in all academics) even through grocery stores, which before, she made it clear she thought was the worst. Mikasa was the most important person and responsibility in his life, but he did need this. he took a final breath and with that, came his final thought. His eyelashes hovered over his bottom lash line. He licked his lips, bracing and pushing a stone out of his throat.

'What time?"

"Eight" armin sounded relieved

"I'll be there by eight-thirty."

He almost took it back, he was apprehensive and almost terrified to tell Mikasa, completely unsure of how she would take this. He had to cut it all off before he ruined it for himself "bye" "I'll tell them you'll be there, see you later" He heard the other line cut off and he sighed and tried to get himself psyched for this inevitable awkwardness bound for tonight, Ymir was one pushy woman and she always asked too many questions and was too forward for Eren's liking, but he loved Krista and he put up with her other half because of it. And so, he went on to nearly crush his thumb with a hammer and formulate the exact plans for tonight. He supposed it was around Eleven AM when he put all the accessories and tools up and went to get Mikasa to tell her to get around and get asses out the door for the benefit of actually impressing Hanji with the ability to show up on time for once.

He knocked twice on the rather thin door, covered in sky blue and grossly chipped paint.

"Come in."

Her voice was monotone and rough from the other side of the door, and maybe just a little sleepy. He opened it without the freezes of thought knowing what he had to explain on the drive there. To his surprise, She had been throwing her green army jacket patched with various references and odd little pictures on either side on. She was so careful with things in her possession, she was always shifting and smoothing things so consciously within her grip it was strange to Eren in a lot of ways. Her age itself carried such carelessness and he thought what he had been at her age which was ridiculously the opposite, even now, he wasn't always kind to physical items and things of his possession other than a few beloved things hidden in his closet and between his unused clothing in his drawers. He shook those unrelated thoughts out. "So you all ready?" He asked leaning against the door frame.

"Yeah, let me grab my bag."

"I'll be waiting outside for you."

He shouted jiggling the keys to his very beloved car and near only birthday present he had ever gotten from that oh so wonderful 'Father' of his. His true love and up-dated-to-current-safety-codes nineteen seventy-one Ford LTD. Sure, a little clunky and loud, a little misbehaved and soured. But all in all probably un-beatable. He saw Mikasa trailing down to meet him in the apartment complex parking lot, all decorated in her seven layers of shirts, flannels, leggings, and sorts of bracelets and other loud charms adorning that. in the last two years of sudden and traumatic changes, she became one of them.

She recently put that purple streak in her hair a few weeks ago without warning while Eren was out on an odd job, coming home he hadn't been angry, just surprised. She started with those strange little black flares girls did on their eyelids that puzzled him and constantly wearing that scarf he bought for her on the way to the hospital just under a year ago which were one of their last visits with their mother. He would never be overly rude or controlling considering it's not like she never did anything necessarily 'bad' but she resembled someone who walked into the local hot topic and bought everything there that could be considered clothing. Of course, he would never once say these things out loud, he didn't have that much of a death wish. The click of their seatbelts and the start of that 'Ancient' engine in Mikasa's words, and a flick of radio, turning it to the only half-decent channel there was going to be on regular FM: Trost's classic hits 108. It started blasting nirvana's heart-shaped box and that was always a good one.

He needed this before manning up enough to talk to Mikasa. The drive to Hanji's office was a rather pleasant one. Her office was in the middle of the old side of Trost, it took a little bit to get there but he loved to see the old drugstores and houses and cracked asphalt. He didn't mind his rather bare-able apartment life but the smog and loud traffic were sometimes that of an issue he thought back to Mikasa's old complaints when she had first started to visit him and spend nights regularly. She had been incredibly difficult in those moments, refusing to go anywhere outside. They maybe had been fifteen minutes away from the destination when he took a good breath and decided he would start the conversation. "So how's school been?" "The same." Talking with Mikasa at times felt like communicating with a brick wall.

"Anything new with your MMA team?" he prodded again and glanced between traffic and her, trying to keep some sort of effort between the cracks of conversation. "I have a change in schedule coming next month." She separated the spikes on the collar of her jacket from her scarf

"The fifth of December, It will be Wednesday, Thursday and Friday night."

"Got it." He made the mental reminder to write it down on the calendar

"Won't you be playing against Sina around the same time?"

"Yeah." She said leaning back and shifting her seat belt "Sina's pretty bad so we'll probably end up kicking their ass."

"And I believe it too." he reached over to ruffle her hair. And there he had it, an almost smile. He switched down the volume with an almost sense of dread

"So uh, Armin called this morning, said to say hi asked how you were doing." he trod lightly. She hummed lowly in response.

"Yeah, the little coconut is always worried about us." he laughed and she just looked over monotonously. It was so hard pulling apart her jokes and statements. "Said something a little bit about how Krista wasn't going to be in the same house Ymir's holding a party tonight."

Mikasa in all her intimidating teenage rebellion had somewhat of a glint of an idea of where this was going in her eyes and Eren knew he couldn't drag this on much longer without her getting lost and probably grouchy as he ran his speech in circles. But Erens chest and stomach had protested. "It wasn't really that he said, perse, he invited me to the party and I think I'm going."

He followed the statement with reassuring words "But Krista said she would love to stay with you tonight if you wanted." It came down and she didn't react as cold as he thought she would, just bored.

"What time?"

"Eight" She nodded as his black glob full of guilt and worry dissipated as red lights turned into green lights and stop signs turned into the drive-through at Hanji's office.

Waiting rooms were usually cold. Tile floors with the strange glittery swirls settling into weird crevice's, sterile white walls with indents that deceived your fingertips when before they looked smooth and those creaking metal chairs that felt like a wary skeleton of a chair rather than actual chair.

Hanji's waiting room wasn't like any of these things the room was comforting and had such a warm feeling, It smelled like cinnamon rolls and fresh laundry, which In writing doesn't sound an impressive sensory experience, but it was. But then there was the taken space by the two of them. Eren was the constant of bleeding vibrant colors and sets of collective tones and Mikasa bled only of a collection of monotone reds and blacks. It was inexplainable the way such breathless awareness came by Eren in these confusing terms and tones. It was fun people you spent years and days with just melted so obviously together by relation and how much air you can take up with this knowledge.

"Hanji will be having you now" He heard the familiar voice of her assistant from the first of the hallway.

"So how are some of my favorite human beings?"

Hanji's legs crossed and dressed in a pantsuit of a burgundy color, this wiry and almost terrifying smile crept up into the corners of her mouth. I sat glancing at Mikasa hoping she'd speak for herself rather than me fill her words for her.

"Fine."

She stated completely ignoring his silent pleas. Well, shit. Here we had to go again.

"Actually pretty good."

Eren had put the actual small talk necessary to lead in with the actual conversation, least to say, not always easy.

"How about we start where we ended last week, sound good?"

She sat readying the clipboard. They both nodded. "Good." She started bringing up her slender, long face towards Eren

"Now last week you said something along the lines of miscommunication problems you two were having, would like to fill me in a little more on that?"

Eren looked at Mikasa almost in a scared way, but probably closer to 'I don't want to say something that's going to hurt you' which was a pretty thin line. But in a spirit of fixing their lives rather than keep patterns of repetitive damage... "Well, I don't blame her or even think its a huge deal, but like, I'm her legal guardian now and not just her brother and I would like to more trusted with her personal life." Eren leaned and widened his legs.

"Can we be a little more specific?" Hanji furrowed her brows in focus above her glasses.

"Okay, so, a few weeks ago I was supposed to be at a parent-teacher conference."

"Go on." She scribbled on the paper-clad clipboard in her hands.

"But she didn't say anything to me until after. Her grades and wellbeing are really important and I can't be there, you know if she doesn't trust me more with these things." he put his hands out as if he could grasp the answer within the palms of his hands "I feel like she's embarrassed or ashamed?"

"I see, that is a problem." she looked over at the raven placed next to him with her arms defiantly crossed

"Mikasa, what do you think of this?"

Now, she sat up and moodily slugged her leather and spiked covered arms on each side of her as she sighed and bore her black-lined daggers in Eren's green pools. "Like I forgot and he's not my 'parent' and its hard to explain." she leaned back into the loveseat and crossed legs, bringing her eyes back to Hanji "All the teachers in my school always do this weird thing when he show's up to an event."

"That's not an uncommon response, your both at ages where social life and the way people perceive you are both very important things."

She became more fixated on the both of them with pursed lips "If I may recommend something?" They nodded

"Shoot."

"How about you set a time in the evening every school day, fifteen minutes, where you go into a decently described dialogue about your day. Within reason of course." They both looked at each other again and agreed. "That sounds doable."

Hanji started that smile again, which always meant she had this sort of special Psychiatrist ammunition about to be laid into them.

"Good, now may I ask about what we were working on? healthy time away and such."

This Eren was almost giddy to report, this particular thing didn't feel like work, it felt like being able to happy with an accomplishment, which sounded stupid and shallow but honestly its always going to be a lie when people claim they don't like attention when they 'accomplish' something.

"I'm going to a party in the newer side of Trost later." he straightened his posture "Mikasa will be staying with the girl, Krista, I was telling you about tonight."

"That's wonderful Eren, I'm proud of you." Mikasa did that almost smile thing that also looked painful

"And I'm also very proud of Mikasa for taking it so well."

The rest of the session with Hanji was spent addressing his awful anxiety and how he pours a god damned bowl of cereal wrong and how it feels like everyone close to him is obviously going to abandon him and write horrible things about him in the newspaper and he's going to live the rest of his life as a gross vagrant on the streets because not even Mikasa will love his disgusting and annoying ass anymore. Yeah, maybe that was an exaggeration. But not by much.

Gradually Eren's anxiety had been getting better, Hanji said it was going take much longer without meds, but he wasn't going to manage it that way. Not anymore. High school was full of trying to drown his fucking psychotic worries with different substances and he really couldn't do that anymore. Just before they left the room, Hanji called Eren and they both stopped in the doorway.

"Mikasa honey, can you give us a minute?"

Mikasa turned her obsidian eyes towards Eren's and questioned as if Eren knew, in response, Eren shrugged and Mikasa opted and claimed one of the seats in the waiting room.

"So, your probably wondering why I've beckoned you from leaving."

"Maybe."

his voice small and outed by a nervous smile. "Well Eren, I'm trying to be careful with this subject, if I'm making you feel any kind discomfort please inform me." The black goo in the pit of his stomach stretched its way up to his chest again, he tried to suppress it before it has gotten out of hand.

"You are a young man and you haven't so much as mentioned any romantic or sexual partners, past or present and I'm slightly concerned that part of your issue could be sexual dysfunction."

She said all at once like a wreck. The blood washed his tanned face as the bad kind of shiver rolled down his spine. It's not like he hadn't thought about it, he's only been in two very short term relationships, one with a white-haired girl towards junior year and one with a senior in his second year in college. And neither of them had he ever had intercourse with. HE WAS A VIRGIN AT TWENTY TWO Might as well had been plastered on his forehead. Each time he'd claimed he was just waiting until it felt 'right' and at first, they thought it was cute and liked the fact that sex wasn't the whole focus of the relationship, but, by the time the third month had come to roll around he still didn't feel 'right' and they were not having it anymore and just kind of left. He'd be lying if he said it didn't damage his already withering ego. He scratched the back of his neck

"Yeah, I know."

"It's not a bad thing to not be in a relationship, Eren," She chided and shifted her glasses "And you truly have nothing to be ashamed of. But can I recommend you at least give it a mindful thought? you deserved to be loved, and to love, in whatever form your comfortable in."

Maybe something in what she had said struck a chord with him. Deserved to be loved. "Just make sure its something you want to do, I couldn't stress this enough. And remember to read warning signs and to not let people take advantage of you." He left her office with more questions than answers and undecided. The ride home was pleasant and quiet and shushed and had a shiver of November air. Mikasa looked rather groggy and tired, her eyeliner looked more smudged than usual and she looked borderline coma with her eyes open, the only evidence of life was a quick blink and maybe a flinch going over potholes. She was kind of scary how still she could be.

It was probably seven-thirty when Krista had knocked on their door. Mikasa was already in lounge pants and Eren had just taken a shower and threw on a pair of well-fitted jeans that made his ass look pretty good and an old band T-shirt over his 'Average' frame.

"You look so good Eren!" She exclaimed in all her lesbian glory.

"Thanks. I was pretty much shooting for not dead and rotting kind of look, you know?" she laughed and joined Mikasa at the table.

"There are leftovers in the fridge and money on the counter for take out, whatever you guys want."

He disappeared into his room again to apply a small bit of expired men's cologne. He didn't know what scent it was because the label was peeled half off and it was left in his: 'clothes I don't wear but feel the need to keep' drawer but he gave it shot anyway. He gave Mikasa a goodbye and Krista a hug and stepped foot out the doors.

Evening drives were a privilege of being alive. Like, actually alive and present and hungry for experience. The flashing and neon blur out car windows, the smiling and stumbling people soaking up the November nightlife in ridiculous get-ups for the weather. Midnight people covered in jeans and jackets and assortments of blushed noses and drunk faces there was a lot to see and a lot to try and wrap around and take that mental photo so you can pull them back out when you ever need to. Eren was not sentimental in ways most people were. He was never going hoard those lucky socks or the inseparable and seen the everyday red scarf and its permanent home around Mikasa's neck. His version came in memories and songs and scents and hues and laughs. It's funny how nostalgia eats you whole. 

The clock in his car read Eight Twenty-One when Eren turned on Krista's and Ymir's street, the whole neighborhood was dark and already swallowed by the evening's navy blue. Well, all except their house. Which already was blasting some shitty Kesha song, as it turned out, the drunk vomiting and disgusting people borderline having sex had already littered the front yard as flashing party lights leaked through the windows and highlighted the groups of inebriated people laying and sitting about. This was a Ymir party alright.

He walked through the driveway and avoided stepping on people's hair and hands which to his mind kind of resembled him walking through an obstacle course. He went to knock when the door came swinging open. "Ayyy! Jaegers here!" Ymir was a...physical person. as she slapped his ass and welcomed into the house. For as long as he'd known her she was like this, always punching shoulders or pushing people just a little too hard Eren's liking. He hated to fall into someone who believed in stereotypes (considering he was best friends with the girl who kicked lesbians stereotypes in its fucking face.) Ymir was an avid softball player, talked, stood and acted like one too.

She pulled him aside and he managed to pick up a bottle of cheap liquor from an in-table. His eyes wandered the crowd of mostly strangers, all bodied and almost glowing but he attempted to wipe that out of his eyesight being unhappily focused on Jean and Marco wrapped up in each other's arms on the lower stairs. It was funny to him, Jean was the mandatory homophobic high school bully. He was physical and had a criminal record . Marco, on the other hand, was somewhat of a fucking angel to everyone he ever met including Eren so to hear the news last August that they were dating was a ridiculous understatement to claim that everyone was just shocked.

Apparently, Jean stayed away from trouble and stayed away from Eren which was even better. It didn't matter, he still fucking hated Jean.

"Who talked you into it?" She grinned as he leaned against the granite countertop, hissing at the way cold stone hit his forearm.

"Why did 'someone' have to talk me into it? do think of me that much of a fun killer?"

he hastily unscrewed the bottle and took a swig, letting the bitterness permeate his tongue and trying to distract from the fact that he did have to be talked into it. She stared down at him with amber glints of mischief. And it pissed him off because it was down and he had this burning in his bones that grew out all his limbs when even an expressed tone of down was displayed at him and it made him feel like a runny-nosed kid.

"Well, you know Ymir, not everyone is living a care-free life where the only thing they need to worry about is throwing wild party's and pissing off your girlfriend so bad she wants to babysit."

"Oh, shut it." she turned her head towards him after finding her self a spot beside "Besides, I don't ever remember you having a girlfriend to piss off in the first place."

He shook his head and buried his left hand in his pocket.

"Touché'" 

he took another ambitious burning mouthful of fermented ass and made a disgusted face as she turned and headed towards a cabinet by the sink. "Why the fuck did you invite jean?" he said distastefully and perhaps a little pissed she knew full well. she reached her tan arm in the cabinet, giving him a face while she struggled

"What does it offend you or something?" she comically flipped two bottles around in her long, freckled arms.

"Oh my god."

"Here, have less shitty alcohol." she held two gold glinting bottles in either hand "Tequila or Whiskey?"

"OH, tequila." he said very sure

"Yeah I remembered you were into that soft shit, and since your our honored guest of the night..."

"Fuck you."

"Sorry, Krista already beat you to that like, twice today."

"Your disgusting."

"Am I disgusting or do I just have a great sex life?"

"Can we please stop talking about your vagina antics?"

She chuckled and softened her stance before turning back to him, arms crossed over a ribbed tank top and long toned legs packed into a pair of skinny jeans bunched up on top of and in brown combat boots. "How's Mikasa? Krista talks about her as if she's her prize-winning child or something."

"She's good, different, but good." he answered, feeling a buzz form in the back of his head "You know that first year of high school is."

"Depends, something tells me your version was one hell of a lot different than my version." She gave him a nudge softer than usual on his left shoulder.

"Oh haha." he cocked his head and swirled the contents in the bottle "Its like she's had to you know, change her identity."

"Is that a horrible thing?"

"I guess not." he glanced down at off-brand high-tops "I just wanted her to be anything but me." he wasn't planning on saying something like that, but, fuck it.

"Deep shit man." there was a pregnant pause when she flipped her head over, ponytail following with her

"Did you?"

"Did I what?"

"Change your identity and shit." she finalized with a shrug of her shoulder

"I couldn't tell you anything other than that I became a different person come fourteen." The substance bobbing around in the glass bottle caught the light blaring in various and tinted it a neon red, as it took hits at his cognitive functions.

"Different how?"

"Jesus, you ask a lot of questions." His head slid back as he climbed to sit on the speckled and chilled counter, hoping to have more visually comfortable leverage over the brunette.

"Oh, just humor me Jaeger."

He took a second, he pursed his lips and fostered the building courage from his chest from the misguided alcohol. He never went into this often, he quietly and silently remembered what Hanji had said, to heal, you have to be able to open up and talk. Two years ago he would probably say 'fuck that' but this was now. He sighed. "Like, I kinda just stopped everything." his head leaned to the side to try and focus his blurred vision "My mom had me enrolled sports and music programs since I was like, two. And so, I dropped every sport, my grades did worse and worse and the only thing I happened to keep was playing the piano and shitty singing lessons"

She almost choked on the beer in her mouth "You sing?"

"This is why I never talk to you." he shook his head.

" just-you know, your so shy." Yet again another painful and indescribable pause, frankly he wanted to dance and give an actual music request and let loose, so he finally decided to do what he wanted all along. "Do you know where Armin is?" He asked finally down at her. She huffed in thought as she looked up and tapped her boot

"Uh, not he got here a while before you."

"What is your constitution for a 'while'?" he sassily placed over his numb tongue.

"No need to be pissy, and I'd say thirty minutes."

"Thanks."

"Welcome, Jeagerbomb."

"I told you not to call me that!"

His inebriated green finally caught the blonde fetus from afar swinging a solo cup above him around the group of mingling blurs of manifestation, the music spilling out of those fancy Alexa-whatever speakers on her desk started drowning through his ears sounding like water rather than music and Armin was smiling his ass off swinging his hips to the beat. He signaled with a giant grin and a wave of a tanned hand. Eren wasn't intending to give him a sloppy and awkward hug but it happened, Erens Langley limbs circled Armin's small frame and his hands rubbed up and down uncoordinated like around the middle of his back. He just looked into Eren's face with a smile that kinda slid into a frown the closer he looked while dusting his button-down off from invisible dirt.

"Jesus Christ Eren, Your already drunk?"

"No"

"Really?"

"A little, maybe." erenstrangled a burp down.

"Come on, have water." Armin grabbed one of the bottles on the setup tables. Eren crossed his arms

"AHHHHH, but I don't want too."

"Fine at least sit down for a little bit."

He breathed heavily and stepped back "I want to dance."

"As your friend, your sober self probably would tell me to not let you, but as your friend, I know you need to have fun so..." he pursed his lips and stared off at the music set up "Come on."

he pulled Eren upfront, running through Ymir's playlist which was so disappointing. The one half-decent song in the whole bunch (it was one of Krista's favorites) was put on. And so Eren stumbled into a very blurry dance with the clear sound penetrating his ears like the best memories and the air that smelled like cigarettes and cheap beer. and the people smiled those cornered and unknowably fallen smiles. Eren thought it wasn't just people you could fall for, he recalled falling in love with so many different things that were never people. And maybe they would never be people. And somehow the way it rang through his skull and filled his throat, that didn't feel so bad at this moment.

He supposed it was a little after another beer and a throw at beer pong and a huff building at his throat since he walked in and a conversation with Armin that started with what he felt was a concern serious and worthy of preparations even though he was half juggling through the thought that he felt like laying down when he was standing in the middle of the sea of people.

"But If the aliens do come down promise me Armin you'll make sure they don't probe my asshole."

"Why is this even a concern?"

he scrunched up his nose "And also if they come down and feel like probing you, then there's no reason they wouldn't probe me. So in retrospect, we would both be in trouble."

"They won't take you 'cause my asshole is nicer." Eren decided sure and matter-of-factly

"Like, remember when jean would say those things about me being gay? maybe he just wanted to fuck me y'know?"

Armin's face fell into disappointment "Don't be that guy Eren."

"But I bet you anything Jeans getting probed, every night." Eren bubbled out a chuckled slosh from his warm throat.

"Please stop, Eren."

"The boy who always made comments about me fucking Reiner is fucking his boyfriend."

"Jesus, Eren." Armin said that a lot about him.

"There's no way he isn't a bottom." Eren scoffed "I've seen his dick in the showers and much to be desired."

Something cut through his thoughts like tin foil cut to a finger

"Jeager!"

he heard the shout from behind him. The mist's of bad eyesight started to congeal into a long like horse-face and a scowl that could probably rival his fathers, what with that just now? that looked like nails on a chalkboard. Eren blinked and rushed his brown curls out of his face.

"Apologize"

that annoying trail of voice demanded as the boy looked over to the blonde next to him trying to pull him aside. he shrugged his small hands of his shoulder.

"Just say you're sorry and come on." Armin attempted to speak English to a boy in a dazed foreign world.

"Fine, horse-face, sorry."

"Excuse me?"

"I said, sorry... horse-face." He thought about everything in splits of patterns and the expression of jean finally filtered through and realized what was coming. The same thing that came in the first week of high school in the locker room after PE same face that never faded. The force of a fist against the left side of his head clouded the space into sounds underwater. Drowning.

EREN!

Armin looked like he was screaming, he couldn't tell through the pounding, standing up. It was then when red flushed his eyes and fury came bursting through his mouth as he slammed his constricted fist into Jean's nose. His lungs squeezed in the fight of anger as jean rushed forward and the crowd of people swarmed, screamed and cheered he thought Ymir was trying to cut through and stop the thrust of jeans force bruising his ribs, Eren pushed a sharp gasp out.

catapulted them both to the carpet littered with little crumbs scratching at his skin as the gravity of how the thud fell. Jean ripped his shirt from the collar down the seam. Eren felt his heart pound against the ache in his chest, only motivating the boy forward to retaliate in a stern mixture of pounds and punches against Jean's throat. He was glad the alcohol numbed.

Eren managed to get his eye knocked in. They rolled around in grunts and half screams. The party lights highlighting their bloody bodies in an assortment of neon greens and blues and reds, wait. It wasn't blue or red before. Shit. He was going down with the last say as finalized another slobbered impact to his cheek, rough hands wrapped around his wrist after the clings and people scattering as if there was a disgusting monster in the room he heard the combat boots shuffle around him and looked over to see Jean laying on his stomach and struggling against the cuffs. He hissed at the sting of cold metal wrapping around his wrists. The low monotone voice resonated behind him

"I'm officer Ackerman." He pulled him up "Anything you say or do will be held against you in the court of law."


	2. Four-eyed therapists and naughty monkeys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys thanks so much for reading! I'm actually going to be posting all the chapters I had written as soon as I can. I've been doing soooo much editing. It may not all be perfect but I'm trying! Please comment and share if you liked it. All constructive criticisms and advice is fully welcome. Also i know that its not as long as I'd like it to be but I'm trying my dudes.

Being thrown against a cop car in weather that's about thirty degrees while shirtless with red angry scratches littering your torso is not a shining moment and not a pretty look. 

"Fuck" he breathed out in a drunken rasp. His lungs were dry and burned with the struggle of the thin, chilly October air quickly being consumed and swallowed up and stinging his exposed torso from his fist fight.

Eren was roughly shoved up against the side of the flashing cop car, his mouth falling open, spitting blood. Not really sure what he was going to to about all of this. He stood mentally kicking himself over and over again knowing he would have to be the one to pick that goddamn police station phone up and slur words at Krista about how he got arrested, through a incredibly dry mouth.

As angelic and forgiving Krista could be, she could have a deceptive wrath that could burn you alive.

"Gross" the dark haired officer who introduced himself as Ackerman spoke up. referring to the saliva mixed with blood he rejected out on the sidewalk, with a rather disgusted face.

'If you really don't like it, don't look at it.' Is what wanted to say he was already waist deep in a big pile of shit, he didn't need to dive deeper.

The two police cruisers blaring red and blue lights were starting to hurt like hell in Eren's poor skull that had taken a bitch of an impact, his head turned flat against the cool surface watching Jean scoot himself into the one with the giant blonde guy and not even seconds later the dark officer Ackerman pulled him away from the flatness by his bicep, which sent dull surges of soreness up his arm.

"Get in brat." He gestured as he opened the back of his cruiser with his thin smooth lips tightened.

"Yes sir." Eren got the impression he was a bit of an asshole due to his disposition. but, once he thought about it, if he had to deal with himself he would have already beat his own ass into the next century.

Eren didn't put up a fight. He didn't speak up, didn't raise a another commotion and he certainly didn't dare to even so much as to look at this guy wrong, he had a strong feeling in the pit of his stomach that instinctively told him this guy would not put up with his shit.

He was already bruised and broken in numerous areas and did not want to increase the numbers.

He slid into the clean and obviously new interior, not without his exposed skin pulling against the leather painfully, officer Ackerman poked his head in,

"Stay here brat, I have to go talk with officer smith, if you even so much as think about leaving or messing with shit, I will drop kick your ass so fast you'll be able to taste my boots for a month."

Okay. well...shit, he wasn't planning on it anyway but that was a tad bit overkill.

Eren nodded feeling the pull of his muscles down his back strain, there was still a numbing buzz of that tequila tracing his thought process and his world around him, but even through the blur of clouds it was to let it all sink In, from the extensive number of random pains to the fact of what he was going to tell Mikasa.

Eren was Mikasa's only blood related influence she had, that left him feeling unbelievably guilty, a tiny little black glob sat at the bottom of his gut gnawing at his insides viciously though he tried to push it all off just from the stand point of what's done is done.

That didn't go as well as he'd like it too.

He reluctantly and carefully turned his head towards the two officers only to realize they were both making their way between the two cars. Officer Ackerman pulled the door open and climbed in behind the wheel with a stiff posture. Eren watched as he slammed the door with power and wiggled his wrists in his cuffs.

"Oi, brat catching an eyefull?"

He hadn't even realized he was staring until the shock of that low falsetto rang through the silence. when he met those piercing grey orbs a white, hot flash of shame panged through him as he relived the last few minutes. His eyes flicked to his left quickly praying that he couldn't see the blush.

"No, sir." Eren said quietly and reserved pushing every thought that was, and ever had been Officer Ackerman out of his mind. But it seemed Ackerman just smirked in returned, and Eren's quick shot of that just embarrassed him further.

Cop cars still look the same. They feel the same. He ran his finger over the stitching lightly between his binded wrist's and reminiscence of the last few times he found himself in the same predicament started floating around his mind. His chest burned, his nostrils flared and his fists came into themselves. He promised himself not again, he tried to breath meaningfully as he stared off into nothing. He was supposed to be a good role model, responsible. 

He told Armin.

The evidence and proof of everything was over his neck and hands and he wouldn't be able to wash it off himself for months. He felt disgusted by the thought of having it all over him. To be reminded by a glance in the mirror.

Suddenly every thing felt like an itch that needed to be scratched.

"You still alive back there kid?" Ackerman drew him out of his trance.

"I'm fine sir." He replied with such delicate edges around his words when talking to this man.

"Do you always sound constipated, or what?" he'd never really heard someone of Ackermans public position talk like that. And to be to honest it took a little pressure off.

"Not normally. Sir." He wasn't used to a officer striking up any conversation with him. Usually they let him stay over night and then sent him off in the morning with maybe five sentence's all together being said. He squinted almost skeptically from the back seat.

"Well, you didn't look that good." he tapped his middle finger on the wheel "'looked like you were about to shit your pants." he smirked amusedly.

Eren shrugged, making eye contact in the rear view mirror he flushed at the awkwardness once he felt those peculiar piercing slants view his face in the fullness of passing lights. "Its not like this is the first time 'round to begin with."

"Ah is this a recurring issue?"

"Well..." He stumbled "The last time it was an issue I was nineteen and a total fucking dumb-ass."

"Nineteen year-old's are" he cocked his head to the side as he he made a left turn "Trust me, I have daily run ins to remind me. But it seems your still a little thick."

"Oh ha ha" he spit out as if there was a bad taste in words.

Was he an actual police officer? like, for real?

"I would watch the sarcasm if I were you." Levi said "So who's going to be bailing you out anyways?"

"I thought it wasn't your business until you have me stand by the little phone."

"You've got quite a lot of back talk for someone in the presence of a officer of the law."

Eren sighed with exasperation "No one, I've got to stay the night."

"What, no parents or friends?"

"My parents are dead, and I'm not going to make my friends deal with the fucking shit i brought on myself." he snapped "But I do have make a call."

They both were quiet for the next following five minutes. Eren tried avoid eye contact until he couldn't. Levi took a moment for his lips to open slightly giving Eren a picture of white teeth. Usually if someones mentions dead parents they back off, not Levi Ackerman apparently. 

"So, Jaeger, what did you do to piss off horse mask behind us?" Eren almost lost it at that, only filling his head with the closely resembling images between jean and those highly popular internet memes and actual masks, along with the validation he wasn't the only one who took a good look at Jeans ugly mug and think the same thing immediately. His shoulders were shaking with the struggle of containment.

"I called him names." He finally said after taking a few moments to bite his tongue. 

"Let me get this straight" the reflection shone as he bit his lower lip in a accusing way "He gave you a busted lip, bruised everything else and ripped your fucking shirt off over a name?" he asked as if it was the most ridiculous thing in the world.

"He's kind of an asshole." these are just cold hard facts.

"I just figured from the state you were both in there was maybe more to it than that." Eren noticed his forearms constricting as he changed hands around the wheel. He thought it was the single most stupid thing to notice about someone who was arresting you, but he digresses.

"Some people lose their shit over the smallest things. Six years and going and it still surprises me how stupid people can be." he shifted after a moment before bringing his attention back to Eren "Don't think I'm excluding you Jaeger" 

"Got it sir." 

He nodded finding sudden interest in the zooming life through the window he lost himself in the framing of the entire picture of what he felt and saw. His chest picked a steady pace to rise a fall to. he knew he wasn't far from the station, but the sleep lolled through out his eyes and tugged at his lids and his muscles strained from previous use of the painful variety. he had completely fazed out of the situation at hand and began falling into deep obsession with the human need of sleep.

"yo! brat." he felt the car come to a stop and saw Ackerman turn around to face him with a snap to the face "get your sorry ass out the car." he stepped out, not without a flattering display of posture.

"Okay" he rubbed his eyes. He didn't personally notice how much he looked like a little kid with his hair in messy tufts and his droopy frown resembling a four year old faced with nothing but a long car nap.

His sorry attempt to eject himself from the car with his wrists bound was probably one of the most entertaining thing the raven had seen in months he couldn't help but turn up his lips in a show of amusement. "need help there Jaeger?" he savagely asked. it was defiantly worth it the moment the red flushed his tan skin.

He looked up at Ackerman 'that would be a first' he thought and held back a snort at the very short male in front him "please" he said instead and ever so defeated. And so, as he gripped on Erens biceps similar to earlier, he cringed at the way it tingled up his arm.

"Oh, Mr. Jaeger" the blonde shouted getting out of the cruiser he stood outside the building it was rather small, he thought. It was a flat, white cement building with a royal blue roof, sitting in well lit yellow glares all up front in the parking spaces. windows completely open, revealing beige curtains with equally as lit up as the exterior.

"Sir?" He turned his head towards Mr. smith, the distracting raven guiding him inside.

"I hope your ride was up to par, you didn't let Levi frighten you?" 

"tsk" he almost could see the look of sass plastered across that dramatically featured face "threaten a snotty teenager once." Erwin only smiled giving a friendly gesture.

~ ~ ~

The key turned in the drunk tank, making sure neither of them had any freedom, by 'neither' of them he means he had to get locked in a cell with jean overnight, you know after the incredibly worried and angry call he got from Krista. She agreed to stay overnight, she always would, but she was utterly pissed and that was probably a understatement.

Jean sat on the other side of the room thankfully away from him. The cell smelled of dust and the ghosts of whisky's past, he crinkled his hungover nose in displeasure.

"No fighting, no talking to each other, no unruly behavior. got it ladies?" Levi said not necessarily with a rude tone in his voice it was more firm, with him there was a difference. "I really don't want to have to kick your asses at-" he checked the black watch around his slender wrist, "two in the morning, so if you guys could refrain from killing each other for the night that would be great" he sat down at the desk placed in front of the cell in a proper way. sorting through papers carefully Eren was just curious, he didn't mean to stare or be weird or even be rude, but he hadn't anticipated Levi putting on those thickly framed black glasses after struggling to get contacts out with curses and a disapproved sigh.

Eren's mouth hung open a little bit. it was unusually striking against the pale of his face and the steel grey eyes that already was quite startling by themselves. he hadn't really realized he was staring until Levi flicked his eyes up from the papers he was working on through a sleek undercut and just over those glasses.

"Need something brat?" Eren swallowed thickly and he felt the heat rise along with a dooming feeling, he simply coughed and nodded a passive 'no'. 

and so he went back to his work, dismissing Eren with a sip of strong smelling coffee in a ceramic mug. He scanned the room looking for something to keep his mind trained in a fix with only attempts being made until he caught jean smirking from his bed on the far side, Eren wanted to snap with a 'what are you looking at' but proceeded with caution instead. it had been the first time jean had even acknowledged him since the party, he held this with up most suspicion. He remembered the rules Levi had made for them before going to speak, he was right if they started to speak to each other it would just end in a fight anyways so he just looked away rustling the painfully stiff mattress and sheets laying down on his back staring at the off-white ceiling, folding his arms behind his head and resting his heavy eyes.

'What a drunk idiot' Levi thought sipping his steaming cup of coffee behind his office desk.

He saw Eren's rosy cheeks from the view of steam heating his nose. The brown haired boy reminded him of a little kid with the way he rubbed his eyes and gave out those youthful faces of not having a clue. to be young and horribly naïve. Levi tilted his head and sighed he knew it would have been a lot worse if he had been stuck with that Kirstein brat knowing full well he had record from high school up to a year ago.

He sorted through Jaegers release papers legs crossed, tonight was boring and slow he really couldn't complain but sometimes his hours dragged and he thought even the most disciplined persons will admit paperwork was the most painfully plain task of all.

He felt those loud eyes on him before he looked up. "Need something brat?" he asked, Eren just awkwardly nodded and turned a cherry red. 

By the time he had organized and placed Kirsten's and Jaeger's papers off aside and ready to sign it had been a good while. He stretched and looked over at the two sleeping drunks. The messy haired boy had been sprawled out in a nearly painful looking position snoring quietly. 

He looked peaceful, Levi guessed that this was probably the most peaceful the kid ever got. He means if its one thing Levi continually knows he's good at its profiling and making assumptions that turns out to be true. 

when Eren blinked his eyes open he was attacked by the ringing headache he was cursed with. he wasn't in his bed, he wasn't in his room and as all that came rushing in as a reminder, it was deeply disturbing and unsettling in the oddest of ways, he came too as he sat up with a thought of Mikasa and the complete guilt that came in like drowning waves and he felt as if he was being consumed.

"Oi brat your up" Levi said leaning against the wall erected from the side of the cell, swinging a key chain around his index finger "You snore and drool. Its gross" he deadpanned, unlocking the door and sliding it open. the distinct "shooomp" could be heard.

"Gee, thanks." Eren mumbled running his hands through his tangled mess of hair. he pushed himself off the bed with surges of aches in all different areas with no relief ahead of him for a while. his blood shot eyes wandered down at the shirt two sizes to big for him they must had handed him last night. He thinks 'must had' because he had been a very forgetful drunk. The actual fight was a blurred situation and so was the excursion to the station though he made out a few sequence's. He was trying his hardest not to think about it he had to get out of this place and get back to Krista and Mikasa.

"Your release papers are over here," he led him over and gave him a pen and paused. giving Eren a particular stare, sun gleaming in and trickling over their skin and clothes.

"What?"

Levi coughed. And turned away. Sun off from his "nothing."

Eren shrugged and took the pen, sitting down in the wooden chair "here" Levi pointed out with his colorless fingers trailing the paper.

"Want an advil?" he asked noticing the way Eren had to carry himself and try and position away from the blinding light beaming through the window.

"Please" he said in unintentional disparity. He watched Levi open the top drawer and slam it all in a seemingly swift mixture of movements. He held the bottle out to Eren from the top kinda like the way he held his cups, which, still pretty foreign to Eren.

"thanks" Eren articulated out through a dry mouth as he poured a pill out and downed with a water Levi also handed to him.

"Welcome"

He continued signing his the papers with only getting home on his mind but he neglected a very important aspect of getting back "Do you have a ride kid?" Levi asked with a bored expression. as always.

He froze with a silent "shit" rolling his eyes behind his lids in frustration. He hadn't even thought about his car, he didn't even know if this affected his drivers license, he had a short bout of panic. Levi just clicked his tongue.

"Do you have someone who you can call?" he crossed his arms, making those biceps stand out again.

"Ymir will probably have my ass if I ask her, Krista's with my sister and Armin's working and can't give me a ride" Eren was going through the contacts on his phone. "Connie and Sasha are out of the question too, since they all work at the same place."

"Really, no one?" He said "At all?"

He scrolled down until he hit one possibility, he wasn't sure about, but defiantly recalled hearing those words 'in a emergency' and hoping this would count as one "there might be someone-"

He clicked and heard the ringing on his end glancing at Levi, waiting for someone to pick up on the other line, eyes becoming fixated on his torn up chuck- All -stars before hearing the enthusiastic voice "Eren, dear, what's wrong?" she had a third eye. Even before hearing anything at all from him she somehow already knew.

"Hi Dr. Zoe" all at once he saw Levis face twist in front of him in a funny way.

"I got arrested." He ripped it off like a Band-Aid.

"how? when? why? your not hurt are you?" she sounded genuinely concerned and a little scared. 

"I'm fine. its just I'm stuck in the police station in the new part of Trost we were talking about yesterday." he sat down in the chair closest to Levi " anyway I don't have a ride and my cars not with me, everyone I could call to pick me up is at work. I know this isn't your job but I guess I'm desperate so if you could..."

"Huh working on a Sunday... wait is Levi there with you?" he looked up at him knowing he heard her just mention him.

"..." he felt pretty confused about her just asking for the officer that arrested him last night on first name basis, on such a whim.

"Yeah"

"Sweetie, can you put him on?" she asked kindly.

"Sure" he awkwardly held the phone out to Levi, he knowingly snatched it.

"There better be a good reason for this four eyes." he grumpily said Eren thought that was a pretty rude way of talking to his therapist she was strange and all, but she was a nice lady.

"oh! the coincidence, and yes there is" she began "you've met Eren, and he is one of my favorite clients and you like to be occasionally nice, so on a friend give him a drive home?" Eren felt like a alien in this moment.

"why would I after what you did last week?" he argued.

"Oh come on it was joke, besides Eren's a sweet heart he shouldn't have to suffer for what I did, just look at those pretty green doe eyes. how can you say no?" Eren blushed and Levi pinched the bridge of his nose.

He glanced down at Eren in obvious thought "Fine" he suddenly made his mind up in a half second.

"Thank you! you won't regret it, and can you put Eren back on?" he handed it back down to him

"She wants you" he took it and held it back up to his ear.

"Now, tell hanji what happened" she said that like a mother would, it made Eren feel both uncomfortable and welcoming, its funny how nothing was just one or the other, always both.

And so he went through the schmeel about jean and getting drunk and feeling bad and knowing he should have remembered about counting backwards from ten. He pretty much explained everything.

"Well, Eren I want you to come in to my office tomorrow. I know you normally only see me once a week, but under these circumstances I want to have a private session with you, does twelve sound good?"

He thought it sounded just fine, he just wanted to get home.

"Yes"

"See ya then bye!" she hung up, he waddled up and shoved in the pockets of his jeans.

"I guess your coming with me," he tossed Eren a fresh set of clothes out of one the lockers "your taking a shower before you even step inside my car." he groaned as Levi motioned towards the showers.

It was quite a nice shower it was nice and hot and melted a lot of extra stress and filth off from the previous night his mind started to turn and untangle in a more functional way, he was glad for this chance it gave him a chance to process before he had to give it all to Mikasa in shame and in disappointment.

He turned the knob off.

~ ~ ~

He climbed in, along with Levi as the engine of the relatively spotless and new cruiser purred. getting a good look at it in the daylight of the noon sun, it was so clean and well kept, he thought Levi must have really cared for it.

"So, um if you don't mind me asking how do you know Hanji?" he spoke mostly for the sake of speaking and breaking an awkward silence.

"She's been working as therapist for our precinct for as long as I have been working as an officer." He explained turning on the roads Eren directed him to.

"You always talk as if your like, fifty two and address me as a kid when you don't look much older than me." Eren pointed out trying not to be rude, but was honestly curious.

Levi turned to look at Eren for a second, he licked his bottom lip "how old do you think I am?" he felt as if it was a trap he didn't want to fall into. but Levi just sat with a expectant face waiting for a answer.

"...twenty five?" he painfully guessed with a cringe.

"Nope," he shook his head "thirty three" Eren was sort of shocked in a strange way he just sort of stared at Levi with knitted eyebrows and mouth slightly agape. He looked at him in all his delicate and masculine features combined closely for the first time, no visible signs of a man in his early thirties. just a rather, Eren struggled internally for the right word but he thought, perhaps uncomfortably, 'beautiful' summed it up pretty well.

"Don't worry your little brain over it, I'm used to it." he went to protest the 'brain' part but suddenly was caught by the 'used to it'. He decided to ignore that.

He folded his hands in his lap carefully and thoughtfully.

He was a few streets away from his complex when he heard Levi curse and violently bang his wrist on the wheel. 

"Wait, Fuck, You live in maria apartments ?" 

Eren nodded slightly startled "Why?"

"I'm going to be moving there in a month." 

"Oh Jesus Christ, you mean I'm going to have to live in the same complex with the cop who arrested me?" Eren leaned his head back against the headrest of the seat.

"To think I've done so well without having to repeat a meeting with the people I've arrested."

"We're here." he said.

"Aside from the strangeness, Thank You." 

"No problem"

He pulled himself a little forward out of the door "So your not going to have a problem if i just knock on your door one day with some jello salad, neighbor." he grinned like a little shit.

"Alright get the fuck out."

"I don't know, I could train some naughty monkey's too, I've had experience."

"You have till the count of three."

He finally stood up fully shielding his eyes from the sun. staring back at the ravens whose skin looked like it was glowing white in the sun. "I do mean it though, Thank You."

Levi waved in acknowledgement and drove off. And somewhere deep inside his chest, he sort of hoped he and Levi could become good aquatints. 

But enough of those silly thoughts. Now he had to plan a funeral. His funeral.


	3. Funerals for credit cards and Drivers license's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank You so much for reading! So when it comes to gay revelations I'd like to think that I'm pretty good. As a bisexual female I have a little grasp although I'm not perfect because I don't live the life of a gay man. But I'm trying really hard to nail it. I want to make this an accurate depiction so if there is any gay men reading PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF I GET ANYTHING WRONG. by the way you can find me on my tumblr and chat about my story or anything else @ourseductivepeicesofpeeledlime

Maybe Eren could write a letter and his will in Mikasa's name before Krista killed him. 

Krista stood with her arms crossed over a old band t-shirt in plaid pajama pants Mikasa had lent her over night. Her tiny frame felt as if it held a feeling much more big than she. She motioned him forwards as he scanned the rooms for any sign of Mikasa.

He threw his hands up in self defense "I'm really sorry and I know I don't have a excuse and I really shouldn't have gone-"

"God fucking dammit." She threw herself forward at him "It's not that you went its what you did while you there." 

"I know."

"You promised me this wouldn't ever happen again, Eren."

"I just lost it, one moment I was dancing and then Jean came up-" She cut him off quickly. 

"Excuse me, Jean?" She rolled her eyes back and pressed her palms to her four head "I thought you and him finally got over your self's."

"Its hard when he was your literal torturer for four years. I wasn't a pretty blonde haired girl who got straight A's and could talk my way out of anything." that was a bite he wasn't proud of making, but he knows he'll continue through with it.

"Really?"

"What?"

"You know what Eren? fuck you." she punched his shoulder with her chest puffed.

"Well, did you have to live out every single day afraid that you'll be pushed up against a locker and get the shit beaten out of you while having people chant 'faggot' around you?" that was high school for him.

She blinked almost violently at him "Mikasa can fucking hear you Eren. How dare you say the 'f' word." 

"She knows the meaning and she knows never to use it." He snapped back "Honestly what an assumption to make."

"Don't you fucking dare throw this back on me and change the subject."

"Look, I know what I did was wrong, but your not understanding anything I had to face back there."

Her big, blue eyes softened "You know that's not true."

"I'm sorry, Krista. But I have process this and work through it as much as you and Mikasa have to."

"I know." She approached him with her hands over her heart "Its just, Eren, you told me it would be different."

He leaned against the counter "That doesn't mean I won't make stupid mistakes."

Silence fell around them as her bare face shot down as she came up next to him.

"But you will never fully grasp how thankful I am to you." He said turning his head to try and find hers "I've screwed up countless times and here you are helping me wipe my own ass again."

"That's not how I view it." She twisted the hem of her shirt.

"But its what happens. Now I have a angsty young woman to explain this all to."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The autumn sunlight of the early morning drenched through his car windows in the fluttering shows of brightness. the vibrant orange and yellows were staining everything in his eyesight as he drove by, in short little blurs. the random dimples he occasionally had starting to appear on his left cheek. His eyes were a vibrant expression of his unusually well morning. 

Not that life wasn't getting increasingly difficult with Mikasa who wasn't taking any of this very well. She rarely came out of her room and started walking to the bus stop by herself.

However, today he realized there would be an entirely new platform of issues when he pulled up and ducked his head to confirm what he had thought he saw turning on the edge. The familiar blue and black contrasting logo that read TROST POLICE

He blinked a couple times when he slammed his car door, he walked out front gawking at it, his blue unzipped pullover flapping open in the wind all the way through the doors.

There was a small little blonde in a lab coat staring at him expectantly,

"Oh, are you Eren Jaeger?" She squinted, her name tag said: alyssa.

" Yeah? "

She twisted her necklace with a nod "Hanji will see you now."

"Thanks" she giggled a little higher pitch than what he thought was necessary.

"No problem."

and with that, she walked into another room. It was a nice surprise to get in this fast, Mikasa and him usually had to wait a good thirty minutes to an hour. He scanned the room with skepticism, he didn't see anything out of the ordinary. He read the numbers on the doors instinctively knowing which one was Hanji's. He pushed open the fifth one down, slowly hearing the creaks of his sneakers against the clinic floors.

"Hello?"

"Oh! Eren, come in sweetie." Hanji's voice sounded oddly unenthusiastic.

what he saw was not necessarily what he was expecting, and defiantly not what he needed, what stood in front of him was a very short statured man up right, with an undercut flipped to his left side and a emotionless face plastered in ivory. And another thing that threw him to loop was Hanji's look of empathy, and the pile of chopped up shiny bits in front of her on her desk.

His eyes flicked between the two of them "what-?" He noticed stupidly, that the raven, instead of being dressed in his uniform, had on a pair of black jeans and a jacket with the polices logo on it. Eren thought he really looked unexpectedly nice and casual for such a uptight man. he squirmed, dropped his gaze and wiped his palms on his jeans.

"I'm really sorry Eren." she looked grim, and out of place lacking her 'zing', if you will.

"for what?" his heart seemed to be crawling up his throat and he's pretty sure his tanned face went white. he had walked over and stood a little too close to the raven than what was comfortable, and glared down at the pile on her desk.

'is this what I think it is?' boy, did he hope not. she didn't say anything, didn't set up any objections as he went through the short little stack.

'shit' he didn't know what to do, he slowly sat down in one of her armchairs. he put the split pieces of credit card and drivers license up next to each other, as if he was expecting them to magically glue back together again. he just stared with an open mouth and battling with a wave of stomach acid crashing against his throat at the two of them, he couldn't understand exactly what happened. he saw the halved dmv photo he had taken all the way back three years in June. he went through his wallet and noticed those empty clear pockets.

"why-"

"the jackass you were bunked in with last night." Levi had already deadpanned out.

Eren really had remind himself to count. he felt the boiling need of physical presentation in a colorful mix of words and movements that probably had something to with throwing the pile and a few other things up against the milky grey walls.

"Eren, breathe," Hanji reminded, coming over and rubbing his shoulder blades in soft gentle movements. "remember what we talked about, the first pet you ever owned, street you lived on, the town." he closed his eyes and stopped gritting his teeth out of his face. this made all the statement he needed on just how much he trusted the rather eccentric brunette on her knee in front of him.

Eren was in a state of regurgitated reality's and red vision. his eyes shut tight, he wasn't aware of the raven much anymore. he didn't see the grey eyes looking him up and down comparing him to the last time he had seen him.

He didn't present himself as sloppily as the other night. Levi thought with precaution about the brats eyes, he noticed how bright they were walking in and how fast that changed when it all caught up with him, like those mood rings Little kids would be carrying around in school. He noticed the way Hanji had to comfort the boy honestly, Levi thought he'd be a lot worse about this, but Eren kept himself contained pretty well. He just sat in the chair, his open jacket wrinkling around the boys long frame breathing in and out rhythmically and along with Hanji's coaching. Levi had a moment in drinking Eren's features in, from his bronze tint to his light dusting of freckles on his left cheek.

"I don't know-what the fuck to do" Eren spoke up coming out of his sharp bits of anger.

"I'd recommend a trip to the DMV"

"your not going to do anything about this?" Eren started at Levi through a mixture of confusion and unbelievable amounts of blushing eye contact.

"bit out of my expertise brat."

"but he chopped my credit card and Drivers license up!" Eren spoke with his hands "how is that not illegal? Your a police officer." 

"because technically, you were the aggressor." He sighed "and don't raise your voice at me."

"how the fuck was I the aggressor? the jackass punched me first."

"yes, but you verbally started the altercation."

"the fuck-"

"Not to mention, I know for certain that you don't have the income to hold at court."

Eren palmed his four head "Oh my fucking god."

They stared at each other in a scary moment, Hanji looking between them with a determination to deescalate.

"I'm sure levi can help you in some way." Hanji interrupted focusing with pursed lips at Eren's Movements and body language while creating a space between her arms in expression.

At this particular point, he didn't know exactly what to do. He was empty handed and left with not many options. He had to arrange Mikasa's karate classes, his jujitsu ones, his odd jobs, and his therapy sessions. Not to mention his trips to the grocery store had to be driven too. So he sat with his brown curls pushed through stretched digits and strewn ideas swimming around his skull.

"I don't even know what to do." His eyes widened along with strong brow bones with it "how am I even going to get home, since its currently illegal for me to drive." 

"Levi won't have an issue giving you another ride, right Levi?" 

All at once the squint in his eyes and Eren's head turning in a nearly pleading way and hanjis comical pout attacking the ravens decision making abruptly.

The silence consumed the three of them. They all looked as though they all wanted something different from the same situation.

"do I look like a babysitter to you four-eyes? " he asked "didn't know they let twelve year olds drive to start with anyways."

Levi crossed his clothed arms, making his bulge of muscle apparent even through the thicker fabric, it made him feel as if Levi could beat his ass right this second and Eren wouldn't be walking back, and when the insult fully caught up with him he burned with another layer of embarrassment.

"Hey!"

"Don't mind shortstack over there he's just grumpy cause he hasn't eaten yet." Hanji shook her head.

"Watch it."

"What are we even going to do with his car?"

Fuck-goggles, he hadn't even thought of that.

Eren jerked around making the chair squeak underneath his weight "Yeah what do we do with my car?"

"Well if its comfortable with you then I can babysit it." Hanji leaned in and grabbed his hand and gave him a reassuring smile.

"But it shouldn't just be left here" He swarmed the worries "It could get stolen or hijacked or something."

"Its safe here, we have a security guard I could tell him to keep an eye out."

"I don't know" he lifted his rubbed over mouth with fist "Its kind of important Hanji."

He stared at her up in contemplation, he felt the shedding of any choice come down the walls of his mind knowing for certain he couldn't drive, and he would have to ask his scary cop acquaintance. No. PLEAD.

The thoughts raged his psyche and he felt the nausea come in waves. Beside that, he knew that there was an entire appointment down the drain, and he would have re-schedule this as well. 

"what about my appointment today? "

"Oh!" She looked back at him as if she had forgotten "Obviously, your much too stressed to focus properly on our session," she got up and brushed her lab coat off " we'll figure exactly what time we'll work best for the all of us" she said including Levi "And remember you can call anytime."

Eren had expected another bland look. Another show of just how un-amused Levi could be at the world. But to his surprise the raven could muster a furrowed brow that pulled all the annoyance and concentration from his face and the shadows came in and stuck around his cheek bones and the hoods of his eyes.

"What the fuck!" He raised that smooth falsetto " I didn't even agree to take him home today"

Hanji smiled deviously and Levi gave a look back, loathsome and frankly tired. Obviously the two had a entirely different platform here Eren couldn't get on.

"Eren doesn't have friends that can feesbly give him rides, day jobs and such. Don't be fissy at such a strong, sweet boy." Hanji went from a persuasive tone to a oddly innocent one. Eren flushed, Hanji always gave compliments even at the worst times, even while staring head first into an officer who could read body language and for sure could tell Eren was nervous, that made him cringe and forced a sound to erupt in his closed throat.

For a moment they seemed to be in a staring contest. Eren was so taken back at the way they seamlessly wound into each other with relaxed insults and stance. The longer he observed them the more he saw the shorter one annoyed. He could almost see the internal weight sitting in the middle. One thing contrasting was the height difference between the six foot two woman and probably the four foot nine man who, despite his inadequacy of his length, defiantly always felt as if He was in charge the moment He walked into a room.

He broke and sighed pushing his undercut out of his face " I can't believe you"

"That means 'yes' in Levi language." She winked

Eren smiled stupidly for no reason, that just made him more uncomfortable. So he just looked down with hands folded on his lap.

"Fucking hell" he grabbed his keys out of his back pocket "whatever, c'mon kid."

He was planning to follow the raven out with a rosy pink face and big puppy looks washing his green in a thousand exotic shades, when Hanji grabbed his shoulder and whispered as Levi started the car.

"he always seems unsociable at first but I promise, once he warms up, there's no one like him" she spread a kind smile, Eren went to say something in the fuzz of it all, but he was interrupted by Hanji waving him out politely and Levi yelling from out side the window,

"Wait!" Hanji yelled, Eren stalked back over.

She held out her pinky finger "I Pinky promise you car will be fine."

He grinned and took it, they both laughed while standing between the doorway bunching together.

"don't think I won't leave your ass here." Levi called from beside the car.

"You better go, he's been known to take off without any thought... but he'll always come back."

how the two of them ever collided he'll never know. maybe the world won't either.

When the gust of the crisp glowing air hit his face he felt the small little ticks blow of his shoulders. And for that second watching the orange pieces pull away from the failing limbs and Levi Ackerman standing with black jeans bunched up in combat boots and inky strands piping through the autumns caresses ranging from the soft tousles to the violent throws of ownership. Leaned against that cop car and hands punched in pockets and expectant bounce of his left foot. With hours and days trying to catch up to Eren's operations. all Eren could see were the blasts of color in this scene he wasn't aware he could feel, but no words could describe the beautiful picture of it all. so he didn't. he promised the little gnawing monster in his brain he would figure it out later.

"you just gonna stand there staring or..." he hollered again.

And so Eren made a tread in his sneakers hitting the asphalt. He didn't know why he was smiling, but he was doing so wildly as those dimples hadn't completely been smoothed away by his tangled disparity's he stared at the ground while making his way into the spotless vehicle.

he watched those pale fingers turn the jingling keys and wrap around the steering wheel, pulling out the gravely parking spot and spitting out the by product.

He could try and start a conversation, about non existent hobbies or the very existent interest including everything he didn't want Ackerman to know. It felt awkward and empty in this space just staring out the gloss of the front window, but for whatever reason the quiet wasn't so quiet and the radiating anxiety was disturbing levi's flow of focus and quietness.

"can you calm your shit?" he turned to levi like a deer in headlights. He noticed the dimples fading. 

"uh, sorry I didn't know I was botheri-"

"Jesus, I just meant you were fidgeting. it was annoying." not feeling up to a church confession.

"..." never in his life had he felt more of spoken silence than this kid could manage, it like his eyes and body was shouting at you.

"sorry" he picked at his zipper.

Levi had felt a certain change in erens disposition and caught a flick of responsibility "its fine."

they were quiet for a couple minutes which held its own conversations, if that were possible and that itched at Levi.

"You change demeaner quickly" Levi leaned over " just the other night you were hell bent on fucking up a guy's face and now your apologizing over fidgeting."

Eren's face reddened and frowned "That wasn't me."

Levi tapped his wrist on the steering wheel "You mean it wasn't you metaphorically. That I get, you were pissing drunk." 

Eren sat, guarding himself with invisible glass between him and Levi with crossed arms "Can we just not talk about it?"

With that, the raven backed off, his stance lessoned in strength. Eren knew what he did, he was reminded every time it was quiet. It kept rushing back, the drinking, the fight, the gay slurs. He wasn't proud of himself by any means. It wasn't 'him' it wasn't him now, sitting in a cop car. It could have been him three years ago, itching for a confrontation with anybody.

But it wasn't now.

Struck with these thoughts, leaning against the cool window He felt Levi shift beside him and look over.

"What would you suppose we talk about instead?" Levi spoke low and smooth with an attempt of conversation. Bad for him, conversation was Eren's least talented spot.

"You know you should never ask someone you don't know that well 'what do you want to talk about' they could start blabbing on about like, space monkeys or something." 

"We've only spoken in full conversation maybe three times and you've now mentioned monkeys twice. What the fuck?"

Eren glanced over matter-of-factly and serious "Its my favorite animal."

"And you wonder why I call you a 'kid'."

He scrunched his nose and furrowed his brows. "Excuse me, how does one constitute having a favorite animal as being childish?" 

"Never have I ever, heard a twenty two year-old man say his favorite animal was a monkey."

He stared at Levi and his perfect jaw for thirty seconds in complete distaste.

"Ah fuck you." 

"Whatever."

Levi smirked, he smirked a lot. When it came down to insults and inappropriate jokes, he could be amused, but only half amused as any other person would look. 

"Do you like music?"

He felt his own ears perk, yeah he did, but its embarrassing and frankly he doesn't want to bother people with his strange obsessions, sometimes how wrapped up he got in music. 

"it depends, what type?" that was safe, it was neutral.

"I don't know, something that isn't millennial whooping. If you want that, I really will kick you ass out of this car before I let that shit play."

Eren bit down a laugh, it was too true for words. He got a hold on himself and grinned, still not meeting Levi's eyes.

"Nobody likes that except maybe fourteen year old kids who wear Youtube merch to school."

"I'm glad to hear that we agree on something." he said monotonously "Now come on, what do you like?"

He never really knew how to answer when was offered anything by other people. It sat weird, somewhere in a strip of his sternum.

"I don't know, Its your fucking car."

"And I fucking asked you." he turned his face annoyed "What the hell do you want to listen to?"

His brain kept scrolling through different songs he had ever known in his life not coming up with much except a song he still knew how to play on piano "Hozier, Eden."

"Jesus, finally."

He clicked a few things on the controls, messing around and cursing a few times along with it.

Finally the start of the song came beaming through, the guitar notes slipping between each-other. This made him feel comfortable, it was a boost of distraction and he no longer had to ponder a way to get out or into another conversation.

He leaned back and closed his eyes, if just for a second.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He was a easy argument, really liked monkeys and sometimes flashed like fire in a split second and then could look like a little kid the next. Worked weird hours and apologized for nearly everything.

Who the fuck was Levi stuck with driving for within the next two weeks?.

Hanji up and does this all the goddamn time, shoves people Levi barely knows into his life and they never leave. Even when he wants them to.

He cursed suddenly jarring the boy awake.

"sorry." he grumbled and shifted in his seat.

"did I do something?" he asked so nervously. it made the raven wonder how he went from having a nearly violent fit to this.

"no, don't worry about it."

He didn't intend for blame to be made. Eren kept his hands on his knees and bite of the inner cheek. until he turned to the shorter man.

"okay, but you missed the turn."

"shit."

he laughed and it was pure. levi couldn't help but think that. and he scorned himself for that, but when the brunette let the relaxing stance surround him it was contagious. and he was saying 'fuck' a lot in his head. mostly towards hanji.

"by the way, I'm sorry. and also thank you. a lot."

"its fine."

"I don't know if I can repay you with anything-but I'm cooking some spaghetti tonight, so if you want..." he trailed off.

he looked utterly terrified. his eyes were kind of expecting a decline, luckily for him, levi was hungry and tired of driving.

"it better be damn good spaghetti." he saw that smile from the corner of his eye as he checked behind him in a reverse to park.

~ ~ ~

"who's he?" she had her arms crossed over a fall out boy anchor shirt.

he felt as if his toes were electrical, he was full of bits and ends of unsure notions. he didn't know why the first thing that spat out of his mouth was an invitation to his apartment. he had been a bumbling mess with his favorite song on. and a boy with too many ends to meet. and maybe he was covered in sentences that he wanted to use with levi in most likely stuttering ways that he couldn't take back and that was exciting and scary and foreign and unknown.

"our guest, so be nice." he chucked his shoes at the door and guided levi into the living room in the oddest form of pride. he knew he kept a clean house and everything about levi was 'clean'.

"want anything to drink? I got..." he stuck his head in the fridge "milk, soda, or wine, if your up for it."

"wine, please"

he watched the trickle of blood red streams fall into one of three wine glasses in his apartment, he carefully made his way in an awkward waddle knowing his track record with the breakage of items, his bank account certainly knew.

he wanted to get changed, but he was self conscious about his choice of lounge clothing he had, all ranging in nerdy things. from his t-shirts to his pants. so he just sat beside him on the tan couch and cleared his throat, blushing from his slight shame of it all.

"so, that your girlfriend?" he swirled his glass around.

while eren choked and was pretty sure he had a heart attack.

"she's my little sister." he just looked at him with a pale face and disturbed eyes.

he just looked away staying emotionless "oops"

the most filling and uncomfortable silence built up between them, you could almost see it all. ackerman just stayed looking in front and eren just scratched behind his ear looking at the objects around him to exploit.

"anything you want to watch?" he grabbed the remote and switched the tv on.

"I don't care"

"cool."

Eren was feeling the static settle in his core, the living room was dimly lit from the Christmas lights he always put up in the start of fall. he regretted it slightly it made him feel more secluded with levi. and that heightened his senses. he could see the way his profile effortlessly rose and fell in complementing ways, being highlighted and shadowed by the warm yellow tiny little lights tacked on the wall. He could make out the smoky vanilla trail that seemed to adorn levi's person. and it felt like home in riveting ways that shocked his system. eren was so stuck between wanting to keep that in his mind and remember a while to come, and wanting to run off and never allow his mouth to speak for him. Ever.

so they just sort of sat there as eren turned one of the shows on his continue watching list. they sipped on the crimson and slid into eventual comfort. 

"You know, I've always thought about watching this show but never did." He said leaned back against the sofa staring at the TV.

Don't fucking do it. Don't do it.

"Oh, sherlock? seriously." 

Fuck. Here he goes.

"It's so good, and complex and intelligent." He know he was going to sound like a dumbass "Its all of the things anyone wants from their television."

"You sound like you really enjoy it, you like crime mystery's?"

"Yeah I've always liked the idea of the process of getting the bad guy if that makes sense."

"Why wouldn't it make sense? " His voice circled around Eren's ears in the quiet "You forgot you are talking to a cop."

"I didn't forget, its just I'm sure you hear it all the time. When you hear things constantly they lose their sense."

"That may be true." He took a swig of his wine while looking up at Eren with slants "Maybe your not as dense as I assumed you were."

"Politely I say, fuck you."

He wheezed at that, Eren was surprised he could actually make more than three sounds.

Eren had his arms crossed against his chest and Levi had a tilt to his head and the stoic face that Eren thought many must mistake for being angry, even with few facts and only screenshots of a personality he knew Levi was a good man. He didn't understand why someone like him would even agree to this, Eren was sure Levi had a wife or some sort of family waiting back for him.

It was then when Eren began feeling like a burden, with the weight of his thoughts coming down. he cleared his throat and decided to get supper done and not take someone else's time up.

"I'll be in the kitchen."

"hmm." was his response, it was low and subtle. it was quiet and reserved and it was many things Eren knew he could never rival with.

The steam was burning his hand and the water was rapidly and angrily building itself up as Eren was placing the handful of pasta into the pot. he stared into it as if was a crystal ball holding the answers to all his eternally mortal problems of modern youth. He felt the bags around his eyes and the drag of a his contemplation.

"Almost ready!" he yelled to mikasa in the other room. he knew she heard regardless of an answer.

Levi was rising from the couch in small lazy tugged movements letting his hair flop over his face. he stretched and his shirt came up a couple inches revealing the dips of hip bones and the small clip of muscle just above that. Eren was having the entirety of a life crisis then and there. He really didn't mean to stare. He felt a sort of burning he guessed that it was jealousy. It felt pretty similar and he was jealous a lot.

'Man this dude must work out constantly' he thought with a huff.

"your blunt." he said sitting down on one of the bar-stools behind the island.

he turned baby pink and didn't know what he meant exactly and was very much aware it had something to do with a caught stare.

"what?" he dared.

Levi just gave him a blank look with a raised brow just over that glass.

"never mind"

he felt sort of stupid and out of place with this fast man. this very snarky fast man.

"you never told me what to do about my credit card and drivers license." he didn't want Levi to think he forgot about it.

He sighed and ran fingers through his hair "phone calls, visits, and maybe a funeral." he shrugged and took a gulp of wine, Eren watched the way his throat moved along with it. "because for anyone from the DMV to get a fire under their asses its probably gonna take someone dying."

Eren had the false hope that at first levi really was going to give pieces of advice. Nope.

"Real helpful" he said with sarcasm as he went to stir the chunky mixture of tomato sauce steaming on the stove.

"welcome brat." he smiled where he knew levi couldn't see it.

"Miss angst and attitude in the other room?" he motioned with his head towards mikasa's retreat.

Eren couldn't help but laugh and pray mikasa didn't hear the first part.

"She's been through a lot." he sobered himself up from the tickle of the question.

"hanji shit?"

"yeah."

Levi nodded as if that explained it all, it was understanding and simple and it relieved him he didn't have to go into the thick of it all. Even though his mention felt real, he didn't feel threatened and he didn't feel hunted for answers and that was just nice.

Soon the clashing of plates and silverware was filling the four chair table room off to the side. the three of the them leaning over their meals and looking around, they couldn't be more different Erens bubbly features thrown in with two stark ravens with dark auras surrounding them and the small proximity close to them.

"You know, Officer Ackerman will probably be driving us around some issues with my license and what not."

"Whatever."

"I'm just telling you so that your aware, I don't want you to be more upset than you are."

"It's fine."

"Your brother is trying really hard to make you happy, you should at least give him a clear shot on how you feel. "

Oh the lightning settling into her eyes ready to strike on anyone who talked next, Eren thought it should be him.

"so," he lifted a mouthful of noodles "how's your day been, Mikasa?" Eren looked at her while taking a bite.

"Good"

"I guess that's ....good?"

Mikasa gave a death glare he didn't think he derserved but he digresses.

"what do you think?" her voice was cold and toneless.

Levi snorted from his end, and looked between them as mikasa had a after burn of it all and wasn't afraid too shoot him down with it either, Eren was slightly mortified about how she was acting. but Levi just glared right back with slanted greys overpowering her stormy ones.

"seriously who is he anyways?" she broke and crossed her arms full swing in huffs.

"mikas-"

Levi interrupted sternly and calmly putting down his fork with it, folding his hands in front of him. He looked straight into her eyes, unwavering and a moment of silence filled the space as Eren paced his eyes between them, terrified.

"officer Ackerman, I'm the guy that helped your bother not get his face busted in more than it already was" he said it calmly, he wasn't being rude but it was enough for her to push her plate away and stomp her boots down on the ground, the table shaking with it.

"may I be excused?" she just a had a scrunched up face as she had already gotten up with hands pressed open faced on the flat of the table.

He nodded and apologized to Levi about her behavior as she began shrugging through the hall way. and the almost slam of her door was resonating through the space.

"I'm sorry she's still pretty pissed about the other night."

"I guess rebellion runs in the family." he said resting his arm on the table.

Eren scratched the back of his neck "I guess."

He was gathering the plates and cups and forks when levi got up a little tired and Eren realized he had been sipping on that wine for a while and was pretty unsure how the hell the raven was going to get home.

so he turned to face him again with a queezy little question.

"are you...um, gonna be okay to drive?" he was caught off a little by that.

"yeah. I'm not drunk brat." he rubbed his face and leaned against the wall "I bet you'd like that wouldn't you?" he smirked and turned Eren another shade.

"okay..."

"besides I have corporal to feed anyways." he said mostly to himself helping Eren clean up dishes. the boy lit up with awe.

"you have a pet?"

"yeah, a black cat." he grinned and stacked the dishes in the washer.

"he was going to be put down the same day, you'd be surprised how many animals get the unfortunate outcome. couldn't get her adopted and I stepped up. there was nothing wrong with the cat except place and time." he deadpanned watching the kid just soaking up all the words.

"you've never had a pet?"

he shook his head "mom never liked animals neither did my dad." he sighed "and Mikasa has horrible allergies."

~ ~ ~

Eren walked Levi out and stood outside the cruiser, shoulder to shoulder noses freezing in the air. Levi was walking in the silence and the dark of the night surrounding him along with the bright lights screaming in his face. he looked at the boy all pink and rosy and smiling for a unforeseeable reason he couldn't help but feel slightly devoted to the situation at hand.

"You sure your not bothered by your car?" he abruptly stopped walking.

"Well, since your the one driving me around fucking everywhere..."

"It just looked like you seemed to care a lot about it."

"I do." Eren looked back "But I trust that Hanji Isn't gonna like, blow up my car."

Levi snorted and laughed as he started walking again. A short pause came up before he spoke again outside the vehicle.

"you know, if you really like animals that much when I move in, you can come over and see him on one condition."

He almost clapped in excitement "oh god Levi, that'd be so awesome." He stopped and looked at him "What?"

"You have to help me move in"

"Deal." held out his hand to shake.

"yeah, yeah." he opened the door "you can thank me later. like when I'm not freezing my ass off!" he yelled from the car and Eren mustered up a random sentence that needed to be said. so as he started up the car and left the door open Eren came within breathing distance, much to his embarrassment.

"thanks for coming over, and also I liked having you, your not as uptight and scary as you were the other night ." he chuckled again with out another word he waved and closed the door and drove off leaving Eren in the dark of the parking lot.

He waited till he was gone but he fell victim to random giddiness. If anyone were in sight of the young boy, they would have seen him jump and smile like an idiot with a red face.

He covered his mouth and composed himself before joining Mikasa again.


	4. Vanilla cigars and Pin sol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo thank you all for reading this. I'm sorry it's shorter than usual but I'm also thinking about writing another RIREN AU that's a nineties au where Levi's a goth and Eren's a photographer wannabe and its a little pretty and pink inspired. I want to it to make you feel like your living in nineteen ninety two. I also want to make it sad as fuck. IDK THO tell me if that's what ya'll want or is interested in the comments.

"You're telling me they get to dance around and make out while we carry fifty pounds of Kim-chi?" Eren motioned to pass the recipient counter at the cuddling couple stumbling around with, Eren guessed some sort of delusional music because he certainly couldn't hear any. They always pull this shit when Eren's around even when they know he wanted to vomit.

He and Armin were in the back of the shop on a Wednesday afternoon counting inventory and stock. He tended to come over and help if they were short on time, had an event or more recent inspiration, managed to get himself arrested and felt bad about how he made his friends look.

Man, life was all about making people feel like your back to keeping up your mental health until you had to carry boxes full of perishable foods that smelled like the marching bands balls after playing 'Bohemian Rhapsody' during a late august game.

"First of all Eren, its twenty pounds and if you have truly been doing all jujitsu you've been claiming it shouldn't be bothering you at all. And second of all, you said you were bored and wouldn't have an issue with this" Armin said while checking the boxes on a chipped clipboard making those ' clicks, click' noises.

"Why are you guy's doing this on a Wednesday anyway? I thought this was a Sunday event."

He looked up at Eren from his fixation on the ink and paper then glanced back at Connie and Sasha from the counter. "You guy's didn't tell him?" 

They stopped they're soppy spiraling and drew themselves to the counter, Sasha placed down her palms with smacking sound and her large grin. "We're hosting a Halloween party."

"Really? what are we, like twelve?"

"Twelve?" Connie looked between the three of us before squeezing Sasha "That's an uneducated opinion, Eren, you haven't seen Sasha in her Batwoman costume, never seen such a woman" to Eren's utter disgust and horror he sealed his statement with a growl before he attacked her neck and her cackling filled his head.

He made a gagging sound while he stuffed two fingers down his throat. 

"Oh grow up Eren, we're in love." she said in a sing-song voice "Besides we're all adults."

He looked over at Armin who was starting to get a little uncomfortable himself "Back to what we have at hand, Halloween party?"

"Of course Eren" Connie snapped "Halloween is spoopy fun, you know I remember when you loved it so very much."

"We're not going to fucking talk about that." Connie widened the corners of his devil perv mouth. 

"I don't know man, its been like six years, that's enough time to start laughing about it right?"

Could Eren get away with manslaughter if he pleaded insanity? 

"Honestly we're short on our invitee list." 

Sasha lowered her jaw in her hands "We used to be the power couple of party planning, but look where we are now." She glanced at Eren with her soft brown eyes "Are we getting old?"

"Yes, because twenty-three means your Methuselah."

"Whatever Eren, we don't listen to you because you mock Halloween." She said slapping his shoulder "You know in the Wiccan practice of religion, Halloween is called Samhain and is a very sacred holiday. That means your being a bigot."

"What the fuck?" he looked at Armin in disbelief in hopes he would get him out of this stupidity, but Armin just brought in his cheeks trying to hold in a laugh. 

"Eren's not a bigot, he just had some things that ruined Halloween for him."

"I don't make the rules Armin." she lifted her shoulders "Besides just because he doesn't currently like Halloween doesn't mean we shouldn't enjoy it. What ever happened to make you hate such a great holiday?"

His toes recoiled in his sneakers, he hadn't known Sasha yet she hadn't transferred until the year after, which was senior year. Either way, he was going to die with the memory of that night without anyone else but Connie and Armin as witnesses. Dying with the memory of it was enough of torture. Maybe if he's lucky he'll get dementia by then.

"Its nobodies fucking business."

"Well, now I'm hungry for the truth."

"Well it was a night to remember, right Jeager?" he knocked his shoulder trying to be buddy-buddy with Eren who was measuring the length of his arm to Connie's neck, to see if it was close enough to wring.

"I said cut it." he snapped.

"Ugh fine, keep your secrets." Sasha stretched her fingers out in front of her, examining the nails.

Eren ran his hand down his face in hopes that we would wipe away the dying brain cells as they continued this conversation.

"Well, how about you come and bring Mikasa and that Officer friend that moved a floor down from you?"

"Okay, he's not a friend. He's a good aquatint that drove me around until I could get my license and credit card fixed." he thought about it a little while staring up at the yellow-tinged panels on the ceiling "But I do owe him."

"'Atta boy Eren, expand your social group," Connie said

"That's not it." Eren held himself up on his forearms "He's just so intimidating, but he's so fucking nice in the weirdest way." 

They glanced at each other almost conspicuously except for Armin who was ignoring the three of them while counting bags rice dough. 

"What?"

"Nothing, Eren."

He was about to demand more of an answer Until Sasha cut in "Eren, can you please tell Connie that growing a soul patch would be disgusting." Sasha had suddenly shrugged her hands towards the small bald man accusingly.

"You're trying to grow a soul patch? please tell me this is a prank." He went back past Armin and Grabbed a can of soda out of the employee fridge "It would worse than that time in high school when you tried to grow that mustache out so you sculpt it into a handlebar." He said walking back.

"You guys are so mean."

"Oh come on, honey,'' she gasped and sighed strangely "I know and you know that you'll look like a little bald bean with a weird strip of tape in the middle."

With that, Eren snorted out the mouthful of Sprite in amusement.

"Your cleaning that up later." Connie stared, hurt and disgruntled.

"But you're a handsome bean." she attempted to cheer him up rubbing in small circles on his back "My handsome bean."

Eren tried to keep it together as he leaned back and watched from the sidelines, Connie and Sasha were a strange couple. He lightly recalls when they met, Sasha brought her homemade fudge brownies to a senior party in high school (they were more addictive than any drug, trust him) Connie just happened to be there, high as a fucking kite, munchies, way too confident and completely out of it.

The one thing he remembers was standing and trying to ignore the blasting music around a group with two people he never knew and Connie and Sasha, the girl he didn't know was trying to harass the recipe out of Sasha, her brown ponytail shaking infirm no's and Connie's red and bloodshot hooded eyes in contrast to his overly large and always expressive whites started a little more than normal, light-catching the black in pupils swung his head over to Sasha:

"If I brush my teeth, will you make-out with me?"

"Maybe. If you let me drive myself home in your car."

"Deal."

The rest was history, seriously.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two Days ahead and three hours in time on a Thursday Eren sat sprawled out on a chipped kitchen table with his face flat against the surface fidgeting with a colored pencil.

Mikasa was at school, chores were already done away with and he'd already swallowed five hours of media, he was getting restless with the silence.

This kind of silence chased him, it was a kind that had thick feeling in your central chest, almost bursting, the kind that builds up in pain.

Being alone to Eren felt like succumbing to old and dangerous habits. It felt like hiding his cuts under forever long jeans and the distinct smell of his mom's concealer he smudged over those bruises and cuts over his jaw and neck at four something in the morning.

For some people, alone doesn't feel like 'Alone' it feels like a hole in your head you keep prying open with chilled fingers.

He blinked. Jesus, when had he started thinking like this again. It was humiliating to go back to this mind space. Just letting it set in his nerves like salt would sit in a wound. The sting could be considered similar. 

He could always see if Levi was home. And if so, he could ask him if he had the time to go on Monday night. He vaguely remembers Levi saying this week left out a couple of weekdays off for him. He checked himself in the mirror and fixed his rat nest hair, slipped his sneakers on and skipped down the flight of stairs separating his and Levi's apartments. He stood outside his door and felt his chest rise with a breath.

He could hear the music seeping through the door before he even knocked. It sounded like the Smiths 'There is a Light That Never Goes Out.' Levi was always listening to The Cure, The Smiths and Joy Division with just a little sprinkle of Bauhaus. Levi broadened Eren's music taste since meeting him, every time he heard 'Please, please, please let me have want I want' he thought of the undercut and steel eyes belonging to Levi, sometimes it felt like a burn in his chest when he would think about him. It was an inexplainable urgency that kept pounding through his throat.

It was so stupid.

Eren finally found himself with his fist banging against the cheap apartment door he stepped back and waited as he felt charged for no reason really, other than anticipation he always felt with Levi as if something interesting was always bound to happen but never did.

The door came open and Levi leaned against the frame he was in lounge pants and a form-fitting T-shirt that hugged all his muscles in all black against such pale skin "So what inspired you to make your way here?" he motioned inside. Eren was right about the song it came bellowing through the speakers full of emotion

Take me out tonight  
Because I want to see people and I  
Want to see life

Levi was walking into the open kitchen the same layout as Eren's but on the opposite side. Levi's apartment was on the more sterile side. His furniture was all slick black leather and modern style. A TV sat its self in front of the couch with a glass coffee table separating the two. 

"Just, bored... I guess." Eren answered at last.

"Really? you come down here because you're bored?" he deadpanned while he prepared a cup of earl grey tea. Eren knew by the smell now. Levi and his apartment smelled like a mix up of mostly four things, Vanilla, Cigars, Pine-sol and earl grey tea. 

"Well, not only that. I like hanging out with you, Officer dude." There was a quiet moment between them that settled stale and Eren could feel it on his tongue even. "I also have something to ask you," Eren said almost muted.

Levi walked over and sat down on his sleek rectangular leather sofa and patted Eren over next to him.

Take me anywhere, I don't care  
I don't care, I don't care  
And in the darkened underpass  
I thought oh God, my chance has come at last  
(but then a strange fear gripped me and I  
Just couldn't ask)

Levi wasn't a vulnerable or a plain-out touchy-feely man, but the way Eren Jaeger seemed to stand in his little section of the world was vividly obvious, even to someone as blocked as Levi. He dropped his glare to the bruise wrapped around his tan wrist.

"That has to still hurt like a bitch."

The boy flipped around confused until Levi pointed to the marks.

"Yeah, it's a little sore. Not half as much as my ribs." he consciously rubbed lightly there.

Levi felt a little empathy with him, he half remembers being body slammed into broken cement and the tear of his abdominal.

"I noticed your sister is still not very happy." switching the subject

"She always takes her anger out like this." he sighs "She's ignoring me explicitly says she doesn't care and then nearly slams my hand in the car door."

Levi shook his head and looked off unimpressed "I could believe it."

"I mean like, I don't think it's purposeful, I think its subconscious." Eren pursed his lips "I don't think she even realizes she's that obvious"

"And weekly sessions with Hanji go straight over her head?" Levi thought it was a little much.

"Not normally, she was getting better, until I keep fucking up." He chuckled and looked away "If you couldn't tell, Its a personal hobby of mine." he said the last part quietly with a crack at the end.

Levi shouldn't care about the boy's self-esteem, it wasn't his to care about but he contemplated. Persisted against the better of it. How depressing, a thirty three-old man fixated on the troubles of youth.

"Its probably painfully boring talking about me all the time, sorry." He scratched the back of his neck in a nervous laugh.

"Trust me, kid, headfirst into my life as a single cat owner probably isn't too adventurous either," Levi assured him. But Eren jerked his head and squinted.

"Single?" He very visibly blushed "its just-I assumed...It's hard to imagine you single"

"Have you seen me arm in arm with anyone?" he grabbed a cup from the rim again.

There was a painful sort of awkwardness arising from the boy's space and features, as the strange period of silence oddly continued for a few seconds. Levi almost wanted to ask if he was okay but Levi lifted his glare with knitted brows.

"Shit, I'm so awkward." He palmed his forehead and wiped his hands on his jeans "I seriously owe you. I was wondering If you'd like to come to a friend's Halloween party with Mikasa and me." It came out a little fast.

Did he even know he was this obvious?

"Well I have Monday off and nobody seems to be doing anything in my circle." he checked his calendar on his black smartphone. "I don't see why not." 

"Cool." Another wave of silence fell on the two and lingered like a foot of snow while 'She's in parties' comes on.

He cleared his throat and shook his head stared back at Levi as if shaking off the blush.

"but like, can we go back to your 'not adventurous thing' Because your a police officer who has the night shift. I have a hard time believing you don't have anything interesting to talk about."

Levi lifted a thin sculpted brow.

"I'm prepared and waiting." He crossed his arms and glared.

Levi sighed and shifted his legs if the brat was this persistent...

"Well, first off its mostly having to interrupt gross hormonal teens from banging in a playground."

Eren flinched and made a face, Levi felt his amusement rise in the discomfort.

"Or having to pull some vomiting lady of off another equally fucked lady, and blood and earrings are ripped out, and maybe a lost tampon." he sipped quietly "Though occasionally you do something pretty great like put someone away who really needs to be." he started over again "And you know come home around four, drink a glass water feed your cat take a shit and sleep, wake up around twelve and repeat."

The boy's face scrunched up and pushed Levi's shoulder almost playfully in the moment of laugh and forgotten tenseness. His nose was pink dusted and freckled up-close, they held this eye contact that felt like a confession of something that wasn't there. Eren leaned his head back against the couch and stared at Levi's jaw for a little too long. 

"Why do you always smell like Cigars?"

"Excuse me What?" 

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckshitshitfuck. 

"Nothing I-I you don't have to answer that. It's ridiculous and creepy."

"No, I'm just surprised out of all the things you could be curious about, its that I smell like Cigars."

"I mean, I'm not against anything I think it smells nice." That sounded worse.

"It's okay, I just like to smoke Vanilla Cigars when I have the time."

So that answered two questions. Instead of Vanilla and Cigars, it was Vanilla Cigars.

But when was he ever going to learn to not vomit out his words like a dumbass?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tonight was movie night with Mikasa.

Eren had considered that this could be the redeeming moment out of the last few weeks. They were going to observe probably a painful screening of 'It 2'.

Eren hated horror movies but Mikasa loved them so much she could be watching them one after another for hours. It was a bit freaky just exactly how much she admired them. And the conclusions she came to about the ones with the psycho murderers on them had Eren distancing himself from her inch by inch until the movie ended.

His sister was fucking weird.

So Mikasa was criss-cross apple sauce on the left side of the couch entering the info needed for a movie rental and Eren was finishing up the muddy buddies in the microwave.

"So is this going to make me shit my pants?" He said coming around the couch.

"Who knows, probably since everything scares you."

"Well, I mean just look at him. His painted bitch ass face."

"You know the actor himself is pretty hot," Mikasa said picking through the mess of muddy buddies.

"Well yeah I know, I watched the one Netflix Original that he starred in" the screen started to focus on a vision "He was one handsome dude. But god, did he some serious shit to sort through."

They both sat and viewed the movie and all its horrifically funny contortions the clown found himself in every five to ten minutes. It was unusually entertaining and wholesome for all the uncomfortable dick jokes he had hoped Mikasa didn't understand yet and didn't plan on asking him, of all people.

Eventually, the movie came to a conclusion and Mikasa's eyes were drooping. She was cradled up with a fuzzy blanket and came out of the movie looking like she had simply been watching an innocent children's film enough to make her sleepy. Horror movies were her 'Friends' or Eren's 'Sherlock'.

"I'm going to turn on something lighthearted so I don't fucking give myself a heart attack if I have to get up and pee." he looked over to see if she was paying attention "Unless your so much of a lightweight you can't party hard to Spongebob." 

She shot up, her black hair standing up with static "Are you threatening me with an animated sea sponge?" her face looked as pale and dead as usual.

"Maybe."

She said nothing, but she sat up and crossed her arms as he clicked on the 'Seabear' episode. It never felt weird for this Thirteen-year-old and twenty-two-year-old to be entertained while watching something aimed towards grade school kids. Eren carried a practiced dialogue through his mind. He opened his mouth.

"Mikasa?"

"Yeah" her face turned to him, in the darkened room the TV highlighted and glared against her skin.

"You remember when I told you about how you were able to say ass or fuck or shit if it was for a good reason?"

She nodded at him slowly.

"And then I told you there were certain things that nobody should say to someone else?" he pursed his lips "I want you to understand that what happened the other night,"

She pulled back her chunk of purple hair behind her ear and crossed her arms over her Pvris T-shirt as SpongeBob was explaining what was worse than a sea bear.

"Jean Kirsten was someone who used those words every other sentence." He looked down and felt uncomfortable trying to explain the hells he had to burn through "Not only that, he was violent. It's not an excuse for shit because he started to clean up his life and I helped disrupt that."

She softened slightly around the corners of her eyes "I'm not mad anymore, you don't have to go through this."

"But I do, Mikasa, I might make more mistakes. Hear me out." he held out his hands as if he was going to present everything in front of him "I spent my high school in hell, I was pushed and beaten, one time they stole my bag full of my projects and burned it."

Her eyes widened slightly

"I don't ever want you to feel like you can't make a mistake that fucking sucks or is fucking stupid." he said, "But I want you to learn from it and not hurt people."

They stared at each other for a short while until Eren relaxed his posture and movements.

"Do you understand what I'm saying?"

She nodded quietly and slugged her way over and wrapped her long, skinny arms around his torso. 

"I'm sorry" she whispered into his shoulder. He could feel the humidity of her breath through his shirt.

"I know, you don't need to be."


	5. The underpass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank You all so much, I have to warn that this chapter might be a little cringe. I'm trying to find a better way of representing Mental health through my own experience.  
Also, this chapter is lightly going to delve into self-harm (implied)  
but I promise if you make it past the hurt, I have some great Levi goodies towards the end.  
Bye Bye. (Don't forget to follow me, I'm a comment whore and attention whore so if you want to ask anything, don't hesitate.)

Past~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eren sat at his mahogany piano gracefully pushing and sliding over and into the instrument, at the time he didn't feel confident in his ability's nor with his skill. the sun shone through the open window glossing across the finish of the deep, rich pigment of the piano. the air rushing in was fresh and heavily adorned with the scents of the lilies and hydrangea his mom planted outside every other spring.

he hit the notes, but his brain wouldn't connect with his art as much as he would like too, and this beautifully sweet composed song didn't match what he ever felt these days. he was tired of people's claims about his talent, it was never the sort of thing he fished for and yet every time someone deliberately told him how good he was after his disses towards himself, he wasn't asking for their approval he genuinely felt what he felt. and he certainly didn't need their 'wise words of wisdom' and their perspective. he could think of what else he didn't need. and it was sitting at the kitchen table across the hall.

Grisha Jaeger had always been passively cruel. Eren first learned this from the fifteen years his deadbeat father would come about in wildly sporadic moments in his life just after beginning to put his life back into a decent spot. he should have known better, it had been an entire year without his erupt visits only for this lovely show of 'fatherly love' that came about last night in a shape of a blonde in a pink sundress with his mouth spilling with words like 'I found a girl' 'stable' and 'engagement' and Eren couldn't help but roll his eyes. he knew this was a ridiculous claim, he was never going to divorce Carla and vice versa. they had fallen into much of an emotionally damaging dance full of phone calls and Carla usually on the bathroom floor crying herself apart.

"Eren, get in here." he heard his mother call from the room he was purposely avoiding for a good number of reasons.

"yeah?" he looked between the two of them trying to read exactly what was going on. he noticed the blonde had since left, must have gone off to her 'day job'.

"sit down," Carla said motioning towards a wooden chair.

"why?"

"don't ask questions, sweetie, just sit" her eyes were rimmed with red and her nose was a tint of pink. the obvious signs of splitting emotion were blotched in all her mannerisms from her delicate placements of fingers to her more erratic habits coming in forms of smoothing out her brown dress and aligning her apron along with it.

"as you know, your father will be moving into town" her news came out uncoordinated as she began, "and that means he's going to start to be a little more involved with you and Mikasa" she sat down waiting for his reaction. her face came between her hands as he was staring with dumb-founded eyes slowly filling with bitterness.

"Your kidding right?" he humorlessly laughed out, crossing his arms flicking his eyes between the scruffy and unkempt man he was ashamed of being the offspring of, and the woman he loved dearly with sad green eyes that never seem to find the self-respect or the right decisions.

"No Eren, we're not" his father suddenly spoke up with sharpness of a trained blade.

Erens chest wanted to erupt seven different ways, all in furious shows of expression. "so, let me get this straight," he blinked innocently "years after going to fuck off somewhere else, barely paying child support and bringing an eighteen-year-old blonde bimbo-"

"Eren!" his mother interrupted.

his father came across the table and inches away from the boy's nose in a speed incomprehensible, mostly. the sound of the abused chair sliding against the tiles was a screech to remember.

"don't you dare say another thing about lain" his voice lowered to a hiss, injected with venom and hate.

Eren didn't so much as flinch "now you care about what's said to women?" Eren bit the inside of his cheek "didn't seem like you cared all that much a year ago." Eren made direct eye contact referencing one of the most terrible things he'd ever heard come out of a 'fathers' and 'husbands' mouth.

"I thought you were more mature than this Eren" Carla sat up in a fixed posture with tightened lips, her ponytail coming undone and pooling around her neck.

"how long does it take before you stop pretending?" he turned his hand to see past Grisha "he's never going to care like you want him to." mistakes were said the moment Grisha wrapped his large fist around the collar of Erens t-shirt and tightened it, cutting off circulation.

"Now, you listen here-"

"the apple doesn't fall far from the tree." Eren said through gasps barely allowed through the grip "remember that" his lungs burned from the neglect as he let him go gravity taking its course in the fallback.

"Grisha!" Carla screeched standing up in a haste. he backed up but the cold expression that spread throughout his features.

"that's it." he stiffened his thick neck and broadened his voice "out"

Eren lifted himself off the floor with the most disdainful look passing its way through and making its way into his green veins crisscrossing his body. "and what if I say no?" he searched his face, putting his invincible youth on full display.

"That wasn't a question, it was a demand."

"your not the man of this house and you have no right to tell me what to do." Eren rivaled the man's hateful glances.

"the both-"

"out!" Grisha's voice boasted over Carla's by half a mile.

Eren took a second to gather his outcomes, he could stand here and make it all worse. or he could just leave and not have to put up with the rest of this. he prayed if there was a god that Mikasa would understand.

he didn't waste much time, with rushing his room and slamming a couple of pairs of clothing in his backpack and bending down giving and young confused Mikasa a bear hug and an 'I love you' through Carla's screams to stop and Grisha's heavy presence coming from the shadowed corner. as he slammed the front door and ran out onto the cold sacs.

~ ~ ~

he knew exactly where he was going and what he was going to do.

and that included the abandon underpass, alcohol, and cigarettes. he didn't know where he was going with sleeping arrangements, but he'd figure Krista would lend him her couch for the night at least, if not, Armin would probably help out. but they'd most likely talk him out of it and tell him to go makeup.

'this sucks'

but all the kinks could be undone later, right now he wanted to go punch something and get drunk and forget this happened for a while, to be spread out and his sternum to be stretched out over his pile of meaningless and mindlessness. his mind was bleeding blues and antagonistic wars as he kept that anger flowing in his veins.

for a boy who had limited feeling colored out, he sure saw the world in explosions of bright neons.

his converse constricted against asphalt and his mind still reeling and calming from the clashes. made some jokes to seniors who didn't know he existed and at the time thought he was funny mostly because they were high off more than a few substances, he scored some cigarettes. as he stared at the melting sky. lighting it up and taking a drag, he stared at it between his two tanned fingers pondering if this was some sort of symbol of the short teenaged bouts of freedom. not that he cared, it's just his thoughts wouldn't shut up.

"ay jaegers here!" he smiled on a cue of demand rather than a feeling. a group of people Connie brought over for him to meet with joints rolled up and lit up hanging out their mouths through laughs started to shake his hands and chest bump into him.

"sup" Eren just waved and opened a beer.

"want an ounce? it's on the house." Connie held up the plastic bag with little buds of green with a ridiculously glazed over smile. he had an anorak jacket hanging off his skinny frame and a twinkle in his comically large eyes.

Eren cracked a smile again, noticing the small white-haired girl behind him wouldn't stop finding icy blue-eyed bits of interest in his actions as all her other friends besides her having their conversations and playing around talking about something involving a Jessica, he didn't really care but her eyes on him felt odd and distracted him from his thought pattern. and rude interruptions to his thoughts was what he craved more than anything at times like this.

Connie rolled the joint and handed it to Eren as he slid down the concrete to make a seat out of the rough surface. he tossed the menthol out and took the small little roll. taking long drawn out breaths letting it take the edge off. and took the bottle of Coors he acquired from the large crowd of seniors by the bonfire. Connie looked at him in disgust.

"what? want some?" he offered.

"no man, the herbs for healing, alcohol is for feeding self-destructive natures" he stared out onto the navy's and silvers peppering the sky "or something like that, bottom line, that shits nasty"

Eren knew Connie springer couldn't stay poetic that long. he just grinned and letting his problems be forgotten in the distant flashes of the cars from the intersection just cut off by the thin line of trees.

they sat in silence for a few minutes, that supplied Eren with the 'not alone' feeling while keeping the distance he felt comfortable in wrapped around him. before Connie got up brushing his ass off. looking pretty funny with his huge shaved head and scrawny body.

"where you going?" Eren asked eyes half-lidded and voice down an octave.

"to sell some shit to maybe ween those kids over there off the heavy drugs, see ya later man" he fist bumped him before making his way. leaving Eren to ponder in the shadows and lights of the underpass.

Connie springer was Trosts high's dealer, every school had to have one. but he thought no one would expect the 'dealer' to be a friendly and straight-A student, that had a thing against alcohol and hard drugs. as far as their relationship went, Eren knew Connie since kindergarten and their parents were friends, so it was an obligation that turned into well-known habits they both sorts fell into.

through taking long drags and big gulps he saw strands of white waves under a beanie just in the corner of his eye. but she just sat down beside him and rested her head against the back of the high wall spot he made for himself. he lolled his head towards her as the substances started to take its punches at his cognitive ability.

"I don't know you" he stated matter-of-factly.

she gave him a look of obviousness "I know that that's why I'm here" she held her joint to her lips. and let the grey clouds seep from her mouth.

"so you can get to know a ninth grader that's a band kid?" he took another swig.

she laughed a brilliant, clear laugh "if that's the reason you want to give" she tilted at an angle "I don't really like naming my reasons." she said it as if she did things that required a lot of reasons she didn't give names too, and he understood every single word of that, but he felt snarky, it bothered him the way he fell in-line with her answer.

"you just like committing social suicide" he looked at her with complete eye contact. it unsettled him to his core, there was something inside his bones screaming none of this was right and he craved it, he played this feeling like a finely tuned instrument. he had small comprehension about what this was leading to and it distracted him, her proximity was mediocre at best and his throat could only fixate on how this was chance to not be turned down. fifteen he'd never kissed anybody he never had thought about it clearly, this was probably the closest he'd get. she was cute, he just couldn't feel a fire or a motivation other than to be 'kissed' and in his current state, that was reason enough.

she looked down and cleared her throat "...maybe." she just brought her face to meet his inches away her voice coming down to a whisper, "Has anyone ever told you, you have the prettiest eyes for a guy?" she turned away and giggled awkwardly "I'm sorry that came out sort of wrong" in a moment of hushed tones and red noses in the chilly evening air of early spring she smoothly climbed on top of him putting each of her knees on either side of his thighs and leaning close to his ear while he stayed motionless,

"how about I put it this way," he felt her grey breath on his upper ear and down his neck "you have the most handsome, glowing eyes I've ever seen" she lifted her face to meet his before closing the only gap between them.

her lips felt cold against his, he could taste the liquor in it, he could make-out her perfume as it smelled like generic flowers. he felt the same as he felt before she came over, he wasn't expecting this to be wonderfully brain riveting, or beautifully intoxicated. but, even when he felt her tongue press against his lips he felt nothing she had expected entry he had given it. it wasn't disgusting, it wasn't great. she guided his untrained body and placed his motionless hand on her waist.

she seemed to like it, she was moving and gyrating different ways against him. this was brainless and mindless to Eren, his body didn't react the way she wanted too so she pressed harder in his lap until he became drunkenly and numbingly stimulated, and that was when he wanted to say something, to stop, he just couldn't find anything enjoyable, the confused and misplaced erection he was going on didn't cause anything but discomfort. but he didn't, he let her and even though it didn't feel right, he let her expect something and he didn't think to turn that down until she started palming and unbuttoning his jeans.

"wait-" his eyes suddenly snapped open. she stopped dead in her tracks and stared at him like a deer in headlights.

"what? you don't like it? I could try it a different way if you-" she tried to figure it all her face twisted up.

"it's not that" he reassured her. he picked her up and put her aside him again he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

she had a face that struck nothing short of confused and out of sorts expressed in the lines between her eyebrows "was it something I did? or-"

"no... no its nothing like that"

"then what?" she nearly demanded an answer.

"I have a lot going on, I just- I can't" he shook his head and picked up the bottle he put aside a second ago.

she just stared blankly ahead of her letting her whisps of white fly through the air.

"sorry" she pulled her knees in "I guess I have a lot going on too, Its just every time something clicks the wrong way a pick a different person" she let her light blue eyes wander to Eren, "I forget those people tend to have feelings other than getting off." she looked so colorless and droopy.

"want to know a secret?" he didn't turn to look back or even an address her statement "I hurt myself twice. on purpose." he blurted out for no reason, he couldn't feel anything and she knew something about this shit. he'd never told anyone and she didn't act shocked she just nodded.

"tried that once, it didn't work as good as anonymous sex." she pulled out another prepared joint out of her pocket "besides I swim, you can't cover that shit up."

they didn't talk further, they sat in the silence of their worlds colliding for a moment, it had been the very first time Eren had addressed his issues, and the only time he had ever honestly felt nothing about them. she knew and he knew, and that was that she passed him another one after a little bit, only saying one more thing before his memory would be defective. she grinned and Eren noticed those heavy lines around her eyes.

"you do have pretty eyes, for a boy, I mean."

Present ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Mikasa we're carpooling with Levi and that's it."

"Why would I want to be in a car with a pig."

"Mikasa, I swear to god you shouldn't call Officers who are actually good 'pigs'." he said throwing a jacket at her in the hopes she would stop this nonsense. The last four days she'd been snippy and insulting and generally not very pleasant.

"You know that Levi is a nice person, you know we've sort of been hanging out and being friends," he said finally admitting the kind of relationship that had been formed through the oddest experience.

She said something under her breath quiet enough Eren couldn't hear it all but if he tried to piece something cohesive it would have sounded something like 'Why don't you just kiss his ass then' 

"Do you want to put on your costume?" she had bought this Wednesday dress (only her's was grey they were out of black) with tights and she looked truly adorable, it made Eren want to bend down and pinch her cheek as if she was five again. 

"We still have an hour, why do you have this so far up your ass?" She sassed from the edge of her doorway before sighing and shutting the door. 

Why was he in such a hurry? He felt a fire in his heels he was excited to interduce Levi to his friends outside of a quick face snippet while Eren was being placed in a cop car. He couldn't recall the last time he was excited to interduce anybody too well, anybody.

He had no idea what Levi planned on wearing at all, he didn't seem like someone who dresses for Halloween. He already wore all black all the time and listened to goth music constantly. Levi was packed full of Halloween in a person.

But Eren knew what he was wearing. Eren was dressed up as a comical punk with a tattered Jacket and skinny leather pants and hair gel spiking his wavy locks. It wasn't crazy passable or anything, but it held the typical costumey feel. 

He plopped down on the sofa and checked his watch and waited for Mikasa to come out of her room disgruntled and already wanting to leave before she arrived anywhere. And that moment presented itself as she walked down the incredibly short hallway with her arms crossed and with the best bitch face that could be plastered. 

She had perfectly parted her dead-straight obsidian hair into two identical braids. She stripped her face of any trace of heavy makeup and replaced it with tones and accents that gave a hollowed and sickly aesthetic. But she was the cutest little Wednesday he had ever seen.

But he didn't want to die tonight so he certainly didn't mention that. 

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he had to reach in rather awkwardly considering he wasn't used to wearing skinny jeans. He read the text from Levi saying to meet him down next to his apartment so they can all go out once.

"Let's just get this over with my legs are fucking killing me." She sighed as Eren turned around to look at her before they ascended down the flight of stairs to Levi's

"I can get you some ibuprofen if you need, I bet those MMA classes are hell on the body"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's because of my tough practice last night." 

"Well, just let me know I always have some in my wallet." She nodded and they continued down, and the Levi that was waiting wasn't like the other Levi's he was used to witnessing on his off days in lounge pants.

This was a....experience. He had three ear piercings in (when had he had those?) styled his hair to the left side and was wearing a spiked collar and he was wearing traces of eyeliner. His clothes weren't totally out of the ordinary of Ackerman, they were form-fitting and so very black.

He was scrolling through his phone before he noticed Eren or Mikasa which was okay because Eren felt his mouth open and as if someone punched his gut, his burn in the lower stomach was fucking weird. He felt winded and ashamed as he shoveled it all down like that shot of Nyquil before bed.

He looked both of them up and down and then lifted a corner of his mouth and said something he would probably regret for the rest of his life

"Well, missy, aren't you cute," he said in the monotone voice that gave Eren a shiver down his tailbone.

She glanced at Eren with the most 'fuck you' face she could muster.

"And what are you supposed to be?" Levi asked crossing his toned arms observing Eren attentively as Eren crooked his neck wondering how the fuck he couldn't tell.

"I'm a punk, Levi" 

"That's not how punks look" Levi grabbed the sleeve of the heavy leather jacket pulling Eren in by a couple of inches "Your missing patches, hair color, and those shoes are not right," he said scanning Eren with his lined eyes. Eren's face heated with the closeness before he stepped back.

"And are you an expert?"

"Well since I frequent goth and punk clubs, I would say so."

Eren blinked and felt like that one blinking white guy meme.

After that, Levi smirked as they followed him outside and felt the cold hit they're face harshly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The ride really could have been worse, Levi was mostly quiet (as usual) and Mikasa was just staring out her window. Which left Eren with way too much time to think about asking Levi about what goth clubs were like and to see if he could touch his forearm muscles.

Wait, what? 

"Hey! guys! Eren and his cop friend are here." Eren face palmed as Connie loudly called from the snack table. The room was scattered with vaguely familiar faces and some he didn't know and maybe one he wanted to know as the dude was suited up as Totoro.

Eren loved Totoro.

Aside from that the regular Chinese buffet carpet floors looked freshly cleaned with the tables organized to the edges and the chattering reverberated throughout the room from people holding they're drinks and nodding their heads.

"Yeah, we're here." The three of them stepped in and it didn't take long before Sasha came running at them at full speed to pinch Mikasa's cheek. And she was indeed in a skin-tight leather Batwoman costume.

"Oh my god! you're so cute."

"Thank's" she deadpanned. At this point, her mood seemed a tad bit off, she was slouching and was looking tired beyond her makeup. Not horrendously so, perhaps it was just her attitude. But if she was looking any worse the would probably have to see if she was okay.

"Eren?"

"Hmmm?"

"I'm gonna go get some snacks."

"Okay, I'll be over here if you need me." she nodded and took off to pick through the starburst bowl (she was only going to eat the yellow ones)

Sasha, Connie, and Armin, as a third addition came over to take turns shaking Levi's hand and interduce themselves equally and all of it was fine until they started opening their mouths.

"Oh Eren talks about you all the time." 

"Not all the time, only as much as what's normal." he tried to smooth it over and not sound like a stalker. But Levi looked unbothered as he took a sip of punch, did anything break this man?

Armin sat in front of him with the couple squished into the same bench seat while Levi sat next Eren and honestly felt a little close, He was almost sure Levi could feel the heat radiating off Eren like waves.

A terrible song was filling the room. It felt like you bite through everyone's words and no one knew how to ask questions about Levi, it's not like he ever offered any information about himself unless you ask and even then it was sparse.

"So any interesting hobbies?" Armin asked trying to break thick ice.

"Well, working on the night shift puts a damper on regular hobbies." he swirled the punch around a little "But I enjoy foreign films"

"Wow, I like watching those as well how did you get into it?" Sasha continued the conversation.

"Well originally I'm from France, and I speak French fluently so I started re-watching things I enjoyed when I kid and I just started watching all kinds of movies from Europe in general."

Eren looked at him surprised and with a gaping mouth. "I would have loved to hear you speak French." And then he realized how weird that sounded and cringed.

But then Levi did something that pulled something so deep within Eren he dumbly let his face fume.

"tes taches de rousseur et tes fossettes sont mignonnes et frustrantes" He said whispering a few lines with it.

Eren did the last thing he ever wanted to do with literally anyone, 

He giggled. 

he fucking looked down at his drink like a fucking school girl, and giggled. Armin was staring at him and so was Sasha and Connie.

Armin cleared his throat "What does that translate to?"

"Can I please change the song?" He leaned over the table and smirked.

"Uh, sure?" he raised himself out of the seat and took off to whatever table held the speakers and left Eren sitting in his layer of filth and humiliation.

"Can any of you see Mikasa from where your sitting?" he said scouting for her with his neck.

"No" they all replied at once

"I'm going to check on her to see how she's doing if Levi comes back just tell him I'm just checking on her."

they all nodded and said 'okay'

He slid out of his seat and began sifting through people to get his way to the snack table and see if she was still there, but he struck out. A few minutes of searching went by and he started getting worried. She was familiar with the layout and rooms. the only places he hadn't looked through was the bathroom so he made his way to the stalls as he peeked his head around the women's corner and let his voice carry its way through the tile-lined walls and floors.

"Mikasa are you in there?"

"Eren?" her voice sounded hoarse and scared, that's when Eren decided the whole fuck the rules that is my sister I'm going to check on her anyway.

"I'm coming in."

He took a couple of steps inside to find Mikasa's big eyes running with mascara and curled into a corner alone.

"Something's wrong, E-Eren." she sniffled

He felt his heart explode and spill into his gut as he grabbed her shoulder's trying to examine everything to make sure she was alright. He couldn't see anything unusual, but that didn't mean anything.

"You have to tell me what is wrong so I can fix it, did you throw up?" he said firmly rubbing her shoulders trying not to freak out himself.

"I-i'm B-bleeding." she stuttered bringing herself to another scrunching frenzy.

"Where?" he said

She simply turned around to reveal a dark, inky, splotching red stain on the bottom of the dress.

It took a little bit to let it settle and realize exactly what was happening, and then he cursed the goddamn shit out of his mom for not explaining this to her, for the sort of people his parents were in their private lives they certainly made sure Mikasa knew abso-fucking-lutely nothing about her own body. His face burned up when he realized what he had to do.

"What if I'm dying?" she pleaded and gripped his shirt tightly.

"You're not dying, Mikasa, this is normal." he pulled her into a tight bear hug and wiped away her inky black strands that were sticking to her tear-soaked face. 

"It's.... uh, its called a period, and you just got your first one." he looked at her with his eye twitching slightly "It only happens to girls and I know almost nothing about this except you have to use this pad thing in your underwear so it doesn't go everywhere." 

She took a deep breath and began wiping away the streams on her face.

"I know its a little awkward but I'm going to get Sasha you stay here, and I'll probably have to tell Levi why we're going home, but it's normal and you shouldn't be embarrassed aight?" he patted her shoulder and smiled trying to act as nothing happened.

She nodded and he left trying to figure out how to word this to Sasha and Levi. He tried to remember everything Krista tried to teach him about it that one time he offered her his jacket because the same thing had happened to her. But she had mostly just explained the pain and discomfort.

Luckily for him, Sasha was still sitting in the same place she was when he left. But for whatever fucking reason Levi was drenched and Connie laughing his ass off at ravens scowling face. His shirt was slickly hugging his defined pectorals and Eren forced himself to look away.

"Hi, Eren you're finally back. Levi got poured with the punch."

What?

"Some fucking drunk thought it was hilarious," Levi said separating the collar with a cringe.

"Um I'm not dismissing this, but something important came up with Mikasa and I need your help right now." he leaned down to meet her face, she smelled like nacho Dorito's "And Levi, you're going to have to drive us home."

"That shouldn't be so much of an issue I'm pretty sure he has to change, Is something wrong?" she asked 

"Well just come here for a second. And take your purse." she shrugged at Connie's suspicious face. As they ended up next to the stalls, Eren finally turned to her.

"Mikasa just got her first period."

Sasha's brown eye's widened and instead of anything else, she started clapping and nearly tearing up "She's becoming a woman. Our little Mikasa is growing up."

"Well....yeah, but she had no idea about it because our parents were fucking incompetent."

"Oh my god, that must had been so scary."

"She was in tears and thought she was going to die" he pushed his hair back further breaking the gel he had ran through it "I was wondering if you could hand her like a pad or something."

"No problem, she's still in there right?" he nodded and shook off his jacket.

"Give this to her and tell her to tie it around her waist, I'm going to get Levi, just meet us out by the car"

She grabbed the jacket and agreed. He ran back to find the sticky, soaked Ackerman standing by the table arguing with Connie about what exactly he found funny about him being covered in a disgusting mix of high fructose corn syrup and shitty processed fruit.

"We need to head to the car."

"Finally, where's the other little brat?" he asked searching behind Eren

"Um...techinical difficulties, she started her" he paused wondering if he should actually tell the whole truth, he didn't want her to be more uncomfortable, but at the same time, he was sure he was going to ask questions about the jacket and everything else and what was such a secret about a bodily function?

"She started her first period."

He didn't look grossed out, or disturbed he simply nodded and said: "Does she need any help?"

Wow, he wasn"t used to men being so cool about this shit "No Sasha's got it."

"Are you sure?" he said, blandly with the lights highlighting the moister in his shirt "I carry supplies on me, my female co-workers don't always get the chance to go and get a tampon during a sting operation." 

The more Eren learned about this magical man the more he felt a gravitational pull towards him like a magnet trying to connect.

"Thank's but Sasha's giving her what she needs right now they'll meet us out by the car."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When they arrived at back to the apartment after stopping at RITE AID and picking up two plastic bags of pads, (Levi knew a surprising amount about this stuff, he told Eren to get two different kinds one that says 'heavy' and another one that's going to be labled 'normal') after Mikasa's face looked tired and messy.

He told Mikasa to go wash herself up and get into bed. Eren stayed by Levi's door a few minutes before he decided to walk himself up the flight. 

"Thank you for coming and meeting my idiot friends even though it went to shit and we had to go home."

He chuckled humorlessly "It's fine kid I'm just fucking pissed about being drenched in fruit syrup."

"Also, Mabey if you'd let me, I could make it up to you."

His gunmetal eyes settled on Eren, like a tragedy between coal lashes. And he loosely smiled, not this humorless smirk he always had on, his light pink lips curved and looked softly genuine. 

And then he ruined it, as he grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled it off and wadded into its self.

Eren was doing such a good job functioning and then this shit happened. 

He was leanly ripped, a six-pack that lead into a divine V-line that disappeared into low rise jeans. Eren's eye's scanned it with a twitching mannerism, Eren felt heat rise everywhere so much so, that he had to question if his skin was on fire. 

Levi crept closer and patted Eren on his shoulder as Eren had to try and say something that wasn't heavy breathing, his body felt stiff.

"G-goodnight Levi." He turned the doorknob.

"Night, brat." he disappeared behind the door, Eren didn't know if he felt relieved or sad. But then he had to relive it three times in his head before he walked off. 

And then it ended. And Eren had to google what all Periods entailed.

But the real problem came when he decided to lay down and not think about Levi.


End file.
